09/18/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15243
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
“Nurse,” he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”
He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful.
Now listen very, very, closely, “Are – my – test – results – back?”
ADVICE: Do listen carefully when the patient is wearing a mask!
09/17/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15240
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of the Granville Christian Church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.
“Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated.
“Why yes,” she replied, “Every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church.”
The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful, how much does he send you?”
The old lady said, “$10,000 a week.”
The pastor was amazed. “Your son is very successful; What does he do for a living?”
“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.
“That is an honorable profession,” the pastor said.
“Where does he practice?”
The old lady said proudly, “In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno.”
09/16/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15237
A king had 10 wild dogs. He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him.
A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn’t like at all… So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs.
The minister said, “I served you loyally 10 years and you do this…?”
The king was unrelenting.
Minister pleaded, “Please give me 10 days before you throw me to the dogs.”
The king agreed. In those 10 days the minister went to the keeper of the dogs and told him he wanted to serve the dogs for the next 10 days.
The guard was baffled… But he agreed. So the minister started feeding the dogs, caring for them, washing them, providing all sorts of comfort for them.
So when the 10 days were up. The king ordered that the minister be thrown to the dogs as sentenced.
When he was thrown in, everyone was amazed at what they saw. The dogs were wagging their tails playing with the condemned minister, licking his feet.
The king was baffled at what he saw. “What happened to the dogs? !!!” He growled.
The minister then said, “I served the dogs for only 10 days and they didn’t forget my service. I served you for 10 years and you forgot all at the first mistake!”
The King realised his mistake and Replaced the dogs with crocodiles.
Moral: Once Management has targeted you, that’s final.
09/15/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15233
A brilliant young boy was applying for a job with the railways.
The interviewer asked him, “Do you know how to use the equipment?”
“Yes,” the boy replied.
“Then what would you do if you realized that 2 trains, one from this station and one from the next were going to crash because they were on the same track?”
The young applicant thought and replied, “I’d press the button to change the points without hesitation.”
“What if the button was frozen and wouldn’t work?”
“I’d run outside and pull the lever to change the points manually.”
“And if the lever was broken?”
“I’d get on the phone to the next station and tell them to change the points,” he replied.
“And if the phone was broken and needed an electrician to fix it?”
The boy thought about that one.
“I’d run into town and get my uncle.”
“Is your uncle an electrician?”
“No, but he’s never seen a train crash before.”
09/14/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15230
A Colombian, Russian, Arab and a Punjabi were in a discussion during an Antique Collectors’ Dinner.
Colombian Drug Lord: “I have loads of money…. I want to buy the world’s 10 rarest pens.”
Russian: “I am a billionaire… I want to buy the world’s 20 most highly valued antique watches.”
Arab: “That’s nothing! I am a rich prince… I intend to purchase the world’s top 50 Vintage cars.”
Then they wait for the Punjabi to speak.
He sips his whisky, bites into his chicken leg piece, places the glass neatly on the table, takes a bite again, back with hands on the head and softly says, “I am not selling.”