12/20/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15521
A Muslim, a Hindu and a lawyer are travelling through the desert…
They’ve tried to make good time in their travels, but find that night will fall before they can make it to the next town.
Luckily they find a farm nearby, and they ask the farmer if they can stay for the night.
When he agrees, not wanting to impose too much, they set their sleeping rolls in his barn.
The farmer goes to bed inside, and was on the verge of sleep when he hears a knock at the door.
Slightly annoyed, he goes and opens the door.
The Hindu is at the door with his bedroll and says: “My deepest apologies, but I’ve just realised there is a cow in the barn. In my religion, cows are sacred and I learned growing up that it is presumptuous to sleep on the same ground as them. Would you mind if I slept inside?”
The farmer is understanding and allows him to sleep in a spare room.
He goes back to bed and is again on the verge of sleep when another knock arrives.
Disgruntled, he goes to the door and finds the Muslim there with his bedroll.
The Muslim says: “I’m terribly sorry but I’ve realised there is a pig in your barn. In my religion we consider pigs to be unclean, and I feel it would be impious of me to sleep on the same ground as one. May I sleep inside?”
The farmer is frustrated, but again understand and allows the Muslim in.
Only the lawyer is left in the barn. Once more, the farmer is on the verge of sleep but hears a knock at the door. Furious, he stomps to the door, throws it open and is on the verge of shouting when he is brought up short. The cow and the pig are at the door.
12/19/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15518
The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn’t paying proper wages to his Deckhand, so they sent an agent to investigate him.
IRS AGENT: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them”.
Boat Owner: “Well, there’s Clarence, my deckhand, he’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board.
Then there’s the mentally challenged guy.
He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here.
He makes about $30 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life.
He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally”.
IRS AGENT: “That’s the guy I want to talk to – the mentally challenged one”.
Boat Owner: “That would be me. What would you like to know”?
12/18/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15516
He skids on the road and crashes into a ditch.
He gets out unharmed and looks at his car in dismay.
A few minutes later an Amish man comes riding by in a horse and buggy.
The Amish man stops and asks, “Would you like some help, English?”.
The man quickly says he would, and just as quickly the Amish man dismounts and ties his horse to the car.
“Alright Nelly, pull!”. The horse remains motionless. “Now you Chester, Pull!”. The horse again, does nothing. “Come Blacky, pull!”.
Finally the horse takes some steps and effortlessly pulls the car out of the ditch and back onto the road.
“Woah, Blacky, that’s good!”, the Amish man calls and the horse stops.
The motorist shakes the Amish man’s hand and says, “I really appreciate the help, but why did you call that horse by three different names?”
“Oh, the Amish man says, that horse is blind. He’s easily strong enough to do it, you see, but if he thought he was doing it alone he wouldn’t even try.”
12/17/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15514
A British soldier returns from war after 4 years against the Germans.
His faithful wife, longing for sex all these years, dresses up in her sheerest lingerie, hoping to entice her returning husband.
She waits by the door as her husband enters and her lingerie gently slips off her body and she stands there naked.
“Darling, look what the wind blew away”, she says seductively.
The husband, looking sad and dejected, drops his pants, and says “Sweetheart, look what the Germans blew away.”
12/16/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15510
A beautiful woman approaches him.
The woman asks the man, “How would you like to get out of here?” and the man is stunned.
He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him, so he agreed.
They both get into his car and drive really far.
He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city.
Within seconds they start taking off their clothes.
After minutes of passionately making love they finally finish.
They both put their clothes on and just sit there awkwardly.
The woman speaks up and says “I’m a prostitute and its going to be 100 dollars for my service.”
The man is stunned and saddened that she didn’t really like him.
He gives her the money and she tells him that she is ready to leave and the man replies “I’m a taxi driver and its going to be 150 dollars for the ride here and back.”