10/28/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15367
A young blonde lady went on a tour trip on an old steam train
that took the passengers through mountains and tunnels.
As the train approached a tunnel, the conductor hurriedly
walked through the coaches warning passengers,
“Tunnel ahead. Look out!”
The blonde quickly stuck her head out the window, and her forehead met with the concrete entrance of the tunnel.
After being revived 15 minutes later, the blonde’s words were, “That stupid son of a b!tch
He should have told me to look in!”
10/27/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15362
A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer.
He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn’t improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, “When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer.”
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: “And if he can’t handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor.”
10/26/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15360
The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man’s manhood was larger than the shaft.
After 1 year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.
After the US published the study, the French decided to do their own study.
After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.
The Irish, unsatisfied with those findings, conducted their own study.
After 2 weeks, a cost of around $75.46, and many pints of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man’s hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.
10/25/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15356
My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late-model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.
He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.
He said with excitement, “You appear quite elderly to be driving.”
“Well, yes, I am,” she replied proudly. “I’ll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough, that I don’t even need a driver’s license anymore.”
He asked “How do you know?”
“The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver’s license.
I told him, yes and handed it to him.”
He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying,
‘You won’t need this anymore.’
So I thanked him and left!
10/24/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15353
There was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in London.
The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband.
The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs.
She didn’t know how to put forward her request, and in esperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.
The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.
The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts.
Again, she didn’t know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast.
The lady got what she wanted.
The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.
Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store…
What were you thinking? Hellooo, her husband speaks English!!