10/10/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15310
A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and everyone died.
Upon arrival in heaven, God said, “Since you have died in a terrible way, I’ll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven.”
The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and says “I wish to be beautiful.”
God grants her wish. The next person can’t decide on what to wish for, so he ends up wishing for the same thing.
At this point a man at the very back of the line starts to laugh.
The next couple, seeing how utterly wondrous the two have become, make their wish to become beautiful also, and the man at the end laughs even louder.
One after another, the people wish for the same thing.
The closer God gets to the end of the line, the harder the man laughs.
When God finally reaches him, he asks “What is your wish my son?”
The man says, “Make them all ugly again!”
10/09/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15308
Death: It’s your time. give me your hand
Blonde: No! i know that if i dont touch you then I’ll never die!
Death: Holy shit! You figured out the key to living forever! You’re soooo smart! High five!
Blonde: *high fives*
Death: Typical blonde… Dumbass…
10/08/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15305
A firefighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with tiny ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The boy is wearing a firefighter’s helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat.
The firefighter walks over to take a closer look.
“That sure is a nice fire truck,” the fire fighter says with admiration.
“Thanks,” says the little boy.
As the firefighter looks a little closer, he notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles.
“Little partner,” the firefighter says, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could go faster.”
The little boy says, “You’re probably right, but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”
10/07/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15301
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team’s bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”
Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like, hello? It’s only 25 cents!”
10/05/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15296
An architect vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.
The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought?
Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds.
What are you doing here?”
The architect replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi?
Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds.”
The lawyer looked puzzled. “Gee,” he asked, “how did you start the flood?”