12/19/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15518
The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn’t paying proper wages to his Deckhand, so they sent an agent to investigate him.
IRS AGENT: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them”.
Boat Owner: “Well, there’s Clarence, my deckhand, he’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board.
Then there’s the mentally challenged guy.
He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here.
He makes about $30 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life.
He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally”.
IRS AGENT: “That’s the guy I want to talk to – the mentally challenged one”.
Boat Owner: “That would be me. What would you like to know”?
12/18/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15516
He skids on the road and crashes into a ditch.
He gets out unharmed and looks at his car in dismay.
A few minutes later an Amish man comes riding by in a horse and buggy.
The Amish man stops and asks, “Would you like some help, English?”.
The man quickly says he would, and just as quickly the Amish man dismounts and ties his horse to the car.
“Alright Nelly, pull!”. The horse remains motionless. “Now you Chester, Pull!”. The horse again, does nothing. “Come Blacky, pull!”.
Finally the horse takes some steps and effortlessly pulls the car out of the ditch and back onto the road.
“Woah, Blacky, that’s good!”, the Amish man calls and the horse stops.
The motorist shakes the Amish man’s hand and says, “I really appreciate the help, but why did you call that horse by three different names?”
“Oh, the Amish man says, that horse is blind. He’s easily strong enough to do it, you see, but if he thought he was doing it alone he wouldn’t even try.”
12/17/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15514
A British soldier returns from war after 4 years against the Germans.
His faithful wife, longing for sex all these years, dresses up in her sheerest lingerie, hoping to entice her returning husband.
She waits by the door as her husband enters and her lingerie gently slips off her body and she stands there naked.
“Darling, look what the wind blew away”, she says seductively.
The husband, looking sad and dejected, drops his pants, and says “Sweetheart, look what the Germans blew away.”
12/16/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15510
A beautiful woman approaches him.
The woman asks the man, “How would you like to get out of here?” and the man is stunned.
He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him, so he agreed.
They both get into his car and drive really far.
He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city.
Within seconds they start taking off their clothes.
After minutes of passionately making love they finally finish.
They both put their clothes on and just sit there awkwardly.
The woman speaks up and says “I’m a prostitute and its going to be 100 dollars for my service.”
The man is stunned and saddened that she didn’t really like him.
He gives her the money and she tells him that she is ready to leave and the man replies “I’m a taxi driver and its going to be 150 dollars for the ride here and back.”
12/15/2021 from Daily Jokes
#15507
Johnny and Susie were playing naked, wondering why they have different “parts”
When Johnny got home he asked his mother why he had a stick and Susie had a hole.
Johnny’s mother said “oh son, you have a Ferrari, and Susie has a garage; the time will come and you’ll park your Ferrari in her garage”
When Susie got home she asked her father why she had a hole and Johnny had a stick.
Susie’s father stated “you have a garage and Johnny is just a sports car trying to park. Don’t let him park in your garage!”
So a few days pass and sure enough, Johnny and Susie are playing naked again — when Johnny proudly stands up and says “Susie, let me park my Ferrari in your garage”, to which she refuses.
Johnny continues to insist on parking his Ferrari until Susie has had enough and goes home.
When Susie gets home, her mother asks “Susie… what’s all that red stuff on your hands?” To which Susie replied:“Johnny tried to park his Ferrari in my garage, so I ripped the back wheels off”