Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A wife was in bed with her lover,

When she heard her husband’s key in the door.

“Stay where you are,” she said.

“He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”

The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife:

“Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”

“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife.

Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.

The husband climbed out of bed and counted.

One, two, three, four. Damn, you’re right.

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents.

The oldest came out and asked his grandpa,

“Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpa? Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds,

“No, I don’t really want to make the sound of a frog now.”

So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather,

“Will you please make a sound like a frog?”

Grandpa again says,

“No, not now. I don’t really want to do that. I’m in a grumpy mood. Maybe later.”

Then the third little boy comes out and says,

“Grandpa, oh please… Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?”

“Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?” Grandpa asked.

The little boy replied with a hopeful face,

“Well, Mom said that when you croak we get to go to Disney World!”

A lion and his wife lived in a cave, and every day there was this fox who would come sit in front of the cave and start making fun of the lion and teasing him:

“You call yourself a king? You’re nothing but a p**sy who’s afraid of his own shadow. If you’re a real lion come out here and fight me! Oh, you think you’re so fierce, you sissy!”.

The lion’s wife would get so annoyed

“Why are you letting him get away with this? If you’re not gonna do something about this, I WILL!”,

And the lion would say

“Just ignore him, he’s a freaking fox, he’s not worth it, just let it go”.

One day, she felt that she couldn’t take it anymore, and decided to handle the situation by herself.

She came out of the cave and started running after the fox.

The fox ran and ran, but the lioness was close on his heel. He entered a pipe and got out on the other end.

When she tried to get in, she got stuck, so the fox came from behind and f**k*d her in the a**.

The lioness went back to the cave, angry and frustrated.

The lion looked at her and said:

“So… He took you to the pipe didn’t he..”

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd-grade class.

The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she’s in Grade 4”.

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.

The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately.

The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

Boy: Legs.

Madam: What is in your trousers that I don’t have?

Boy: Pockets.

Madam: What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut.
Madam: What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?

The principal’s eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge

Boy: Bubble gum.

Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent.

The principal was looking restless.

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

Boy: A wedding ring.

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

Boy: Nose.

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow.

Principal: OH MY GOD.

Madam: What starts with ‘F’ and ends with a ‘K’ and if you don’t get it, you have to use your hand?

Boy: Fork.

Madam: What is it that all men have, it’s longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Boy: Surname.

Principal: Ohooo!

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

Boy: Heart.

Principal: Eeeeeh!

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, “Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!”

Father shark teaches the son shark how to eat human

“Look boy when you target a swimming human go close with your fin out of the water. Take a few laps around the target then you can eat. Does it make sense?”

“Yes, father. Thank you.” the son replayed.

“Now go find your lunch” said the father.

The guy went in one direction and came back after some time.

“Did you find someone?” father.

“Yes dad.”

“Did you do what I said?”

“Yes, I found a human and ate him?”

“Did you show your fin and do a few laps around the target?”

“No. I just ate him”

“Oh boy. You ate the shit with that human.”