Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.

Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘pen!s.’

Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password.

She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response:

PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!

As he is about to go, he notices that his horse is missing.

He shouts, asking for his horse, but nobody seems to know where it is.

“If I don’t find my horse, I will do exactly what I did when I lost my first horse!”

Suddenly, the horse appears.

Out of curiosity, a man goes up to him and asks,

“What did you do when you lost your first horse?” He replies,

“I walked.”

A duck, a pigeon, and a chicken all walk into a courtroom…

The judge asked the duck, “What is your crime?”

The duck responds, “I was blowing bubbles in front of City Hall.”

The judge says, “There’s no crime committed here, you’re free to go.”

The judge then asks the pigeon, “What is your crime?”

The pigeon responds, “I was also blowing bubbles in front of City Hall.”

The judge looks a little confused but finally says, “There’s no crime committed here, you’re also free to go.”

Lastly, the chicken walks up to the judge, and the judge asks, “What is your crime?”

The chicken, first looking back at the pigeon and the duck, then turning to the judge says,

“I’m Bubbles.”

There is this girl, she is five.

She goes spying on her big sister and she hears her cussing out her boyfriend she says, “you mother f*ck!ng @$$h0le!”

Just then jill, that’s the little girl, interrupts them talking and blurts out,

“Big Sis,what does @$$hole mean?

The girl surprised by the question,says, BOYFRIEND!

Okay , so the girl runs off onto the bathroom.

Jill sneaks up on her dad while he was shaving and says boo!

THE dad says “Shit!”

So the girl ask her dad “What does shit mean?”

And he stammers “Shaving cream”.

So she said okay and went about her day.

Jill then runs into her mom, who was in the kitchen cutting the turkey.

Her mom is startled when Jill comes in, cuts her hand, and says “F*ck!”.

So Jill ask “What does f*ck mean momma?”

And scrambling for an answer, her mom says “cutting.”

All of the sudden, they hear the door.

Jill answers and sees her Dads boss at the door.

He ask “Sweetie, do you know where everyone is at?”

And she says, “Well, my sister’s talking to her @$$h0le, my Moms f*cking the turkey and my Dads wiping the shit off his face.”

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read, “…and so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw and said,

“Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?”

The teacher paused then asked the class,

“And what do you think that man said?”

Little Johnny raised his hand and said,

“I think he said ‘Holy Sh*t! A talking pig!’”

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.