01/18/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16798
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem.
The woman kept complaining about every little detail and making the trip unbearable.
But a few days before their vacation ended, a tragic accident ended the woman’s life.
The undertaker told the husband,
“You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000.”
The husband thought about it for a few seconds, then told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home.
“Why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here in Jerusalem, and it would only cost $150?!” the undertaker asked, taken aback.
The husband replied,
“Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!”
01/17/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16796
At a jewellery store, an old man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend.
“Don’t you want her name engraved upon it?” asked the jeweller.
The Old man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic steadfastly replied,
“No, just engrave it:
To My One And Only Love.
That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again.”
01/16/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16793
For Michael’s birthday, his wife wanted to surprise him when he came home from work.
After some careful consideration, she decided to strip naked and wrap herself in saran wrap from her shoulders to her ankles.
Pretty soon Michael enters his house exhausted from a tough day at work.
He walks through the kitchen, places his lunch box down, and hears his wife say,
“Honey! I’m in the living room.”
Rounding the corner, he spots her all wrapped up in plastic.
After a quick peek,
he immediately says,
“Leftovers again!”
01/15/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16790
Little Johnny was wondering one day and decided to ask his dad…
“Dad, how come big dogs can make little dogs and big cats can make little cats but why can’t Big trains make little trains?”
Little Johnny’s father replied,
“Well Johnny, this sounds like a great quey for your mother.”
So off Johnny went to go ask his mother…
“Mom, why do big dogs make little dogs and big cats make a little cat but why can’t Big trains make little trains?“
Little Johnny’s mom thought about it and said:
“Well, Johnny, this sounds like a good question to ask Mr Jones down at the railroad yard”.
So off Johnny went to go ask Mr Jones.
“Mr Jones, why do big dogs make little dogs and big cats make little cats but why can’t Big trains make little trains?“
Mr Jones looked at Johnny seriously and said
“Well Johnny, that because Union pacific always pulls out on time!
01/14/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16787
After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away.
They agree and the pastor greets the family.
“Pastor,” Johnny says,
“I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust.”
“That’s right, Johnny, I did say that.”
” And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust.
“Yes, I’m glad you were listening. Why do you ask?”
“Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed, ‘because there’s someone either coming’ or going’!”