12/28/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16739
During a shortage of eligible men, a bear, a pig and a rabbit are called up for national service.
While waiting for the medical examinations, they all admit they’re terrified of being killed.
‘I’m ungainly and pink,’ says the pig, truthfully.
‘The enemy will see me a mile off – so I decided to chop my tail off.
The rabbit nods sagely – and the bear realizes the bunny’s ears have been removed.
‘I just hope it works,’ says the rabbit.
Mystified, the bear watches as both animals enter the examination room – then return, smiling.
‘We’re free to go,’ says the rabbit.
‘They said a rabbit without ears is not a proper rabbit, and a pig without a curly tail is not a proper pig!’
He’s about to leave with the pig when the bear pipes up.
‘Hang on a minute!’ he cries.
‘I’m massive and slow – I’d not last a day.’
The other two look at the bear.
‘Well,’ says the rabbit,
‘Your sharp teeth could be useful in combat. You might want them removed …’
Nodding miserably, the bear lies down – and the other animals start kicking his fangs out.
Eventually, the dazed bear, blood pouring from his mouth, stumbles through the door.
A moment later he returns.
‘Did you get let off?’ says the pig.
‘Yesh,’ splutters the bear.
‘Apparently, I’m too fat.’
12/27/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16735
A couple was walking down their street in Christmas Eve, enjoying the lights, when suddenly they feel a little precipitation.
The man says, “I think it’s raining, we should go back home.”
The woman says, “No, I think it’s snowing.”
The couple argues about this for a few minutes.
The woman looks around and sees a communist officer wandering around that street.
“Let’s ask that communist officer.”
So the couple walks over. “Officer Rudolph, sir, is it raining or snowing?”
“Definitely raining,” says Officer Rudolph.
The man turned to his wife, grinning, and says,
“See, Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
12/26/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16732
A beautiful innocent young girl wants to meet Santa Claus.
so she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve.
Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the socks.
He is about to leave when the girl says in a sexy voice,
“Oh Santa, please stay.”
Santa replies, “HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go, Gotta get the presents to the children, you know.”
The girl drops the robe to reveal a sexy bra and panties and says in an even sexier voice,
“Oh Santa, please stay.”
Santa replies, “HO HO HO, Gotta go, Gotta go, Gotta get the presents to the children, you know.”
Santa begins to sweat.
The girl takes off her bra and says, “Oh Santa… Please… Stay.”
Santa replies, “HO HO HO, Gotta go,
Gotta go, gotta get the presents to the children, you know.”
Santa wipes his brow.
She loses the panties and says, “Oh Santa… Please… Stay…”
Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow says,
“HEY HEY HEY, Gotta stay, Gotta stay, Can’t get up the chimney with my pecker this way!
12/25/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16729
Dave’s wife thinks that he is pushing himself too hard, so she takes him to a local strip club for his birthday.
The doorman at the club greets them and says,
“Hey, Dave! How are ya?”
His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.
“Oh no,” says Dave.
“He’s on my bowling team.” They sit and a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual.
His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says,
“You must come here a lot for that woman to know what you drink.”
“No, honey, she’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League. We share lanes with them.”
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave.
“Hi, Davey,” she says, “Want your usual lap dance?”
Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. His wife starts screaming at him.
The cabbie turns his head and says,
“Looks like you picked up a real doozy this time, Dave!”
12/24/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16725
The very snobbish wife was discussing the subject of Christmas presents with her maid.
“Now what about the butler?” the rich woman said.
“A set of wine glasses?” the maid suggested.
The woman frowned icily.
“He doesn’t really need that. A butler never entertains. He’ll get a tie.”
The maid grimaced, but said only,
“What about a dress for Jenny, the serving girl?”
The woman frowned again.
“She doesn’t really need a new dress. She’ll only get in trouble.
We’ll get her another apron.”
The conversation continued in the same vein, and the maid was chafing At her employer’s arrogance when they reached her husband.
“I assume you want to get him something he really needs, madam?” the maid replied.
“Of course,” the woman replied.
“Then what about three more inches?”, said the maid.