03/09/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16934
A man is sitting on his front stoop staring morosely at the ground when his neighbour strolls over.
The neighbour tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds.
Finally, the neighbour asks what the problem is.
“Well,” the man says,
“I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I’m in the doghouse.”
“What kind of question?” the neighbour asks.
“My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly.”
“That’s easy,” says the neighbour.
“You just say, ‘Of course, I will’.”
“Yeah,” says the other man, “that’s what I MEANT to say.
But what came OUT was, ‘Of course I do’.”
03/08/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16932
A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman, named Guido, was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular, young, woman.
Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senselessly.
After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile,
“So, you finish..??”
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, “No.”
Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed.
This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.
The s** finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks,
“You finish..??”
Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says,
“No.”
Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied. Guido reaches for the woman yet again.
Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets..!!
Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping.
Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again,
“You finish..??”
Barely able to speak, the beautiful whispers in his ear,
“No, I’m Norwegian.”
03/07/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16930
The Husband and wife had a blazing row!
The hubby stopped talking to his wife.
The wife said,
“I will count to 10. If you don’t start talking to me by then, I am going to my mother’s house!”
She started counting from 1 to 8 and stopped.
The impatient husband said,
“Why did you stop? Complete the count and go!”
The wife replied,
“See, you surrendered and started talking to me. Otherwise, I would have left! Now, I forgive you!”
03/06/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16928
On his Birthday, a man named Peter was really upset because none of his family members or near and dear ones wished him.
As he walked into his office, his secretary Anna said,
“Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!”
He felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered.
At lunchtime, Anna knocked on his door and said,
“You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your Birthday, why don’t we go out for lunch, just you and me.”
Peter happily agreed
They had their lunch but on the way back to the office, Anna said,
“You know, it’s such a beautiful day…We don’t have to go right back to the office, do we?”
Peter replied “I suppose not. What do you have in mind?”
She said, “Let’s go to my apartment, it’s just around the corner.”
After arriving at her apartment, Anna said,
“Boss if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.”
“Ok.” He nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes;
she came out carrying a huge birthday cake…
Followed by his wife, his kids, and dozens of his friends, and co-workers, all singing
“Happy Birthday”.
And Peter just sat there…On the couch…
Naked!
03/05/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16926
A father puts his 3-year old daughter to bed.
His daughter wanted to say a prayer before sleeping, so the father listened.
“God bless mummy, God bless daddy, God bless Grandma, Goodbye grandpa”
The father asked,
“why did you say, goodbye grandpa?”
The little girl said,
“I don’t know, it just seemed like the right thing to say.”
The next morning, the family received news that the grandfather had indeed died.
The father thought that it was just a very lucky coincidence.
A few months later, he tucked her daughter into bed, and she said a prayer.
“God bless mummy, God bless daddy, goodbye grandma.”
And of course, the next day, the grandmother died.
The father realised that his daughter could predict the family deaths and that this was no coincidence.
A few weeks later, he tucked his daughter into bed, and her prayer went
“God bless mummy and goodbye Daddy.”
Her father went into shock.
He stood up all night waiting for the worse, and then sunrise came.
He decided to just stay at work the entire day to be safe.
He stayed at his office until midnight came.
When it did, nothing happened.
He breathed a sigh of relief.
When he came home, his wife asked why he was home so late.
“I had the worst day of my life.” Said the father.
“If you think your day was hard, you won’t believe what happened to me, my boss died in the middle of a meeting!”