07/24/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17363
There was a group of elderly women gathered at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.
The old women were asked,
‘How many of you love your husbands?’
All the old women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, ‘When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?’
Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn’t remember.
The women were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective husband: I love you, sweetheart.
Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?
2. What now? Did you crash the car again?
3. I don’t understand what you mean?
4. What did you do now? I won’t forgive you this time!!!
5. ????
6. Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
7. Am I dreaming? ???????
8. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today…!!!
9. I asked you not to drink anymore.!
Last one is ultimate
10. Who is this?
07/23/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17360
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad.
She told her mother, “Jeff proposed to me an hour ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.
Because he also told me he was an atheist.
“Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell.”
Her mother replied,
“Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”
07/22/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17356
A man in a frog costume walked into a bank and told the teller, Patricia Whack, that he needed to take out a loan for $50,000. He explained,
“My name is Kermit Jagger, my father is Mick Jagger, and I know your manager Mr Jones very well; I’m sure he would approve the loan.”
Patricia replied,
“I’m sorry, Mr Jagger, but with an amount that high, we require some sort of collateral.”
The man reached in his pocket and pulled out a small porcelain elephant and handed it to her.
She said she would have to get approval from her manager, and excused herself.
She told the manager,
“Mr Jones, there’s a man dressed as a frog in the bank who says he’s Mick Jagger’s son and wants to take out a $50,000 loan. He gave me this as collateral. I mean, really, what is this?”
Mr Jones replied:
“It’s a knickknack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone!”
07/21/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17353
At an Irish Catholic wedding ceremony,
the priest asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom.
It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace.
The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child.
She started walking toward the pastor slowly.
Everything quickly turned to chaos.
The bride slapped the groom.
The groom’s mother fainted.
The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.
The priest asked the woman,
“Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?”
The woman replied,
“We can’t hear at the back.”
07/20/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17350
An arrogant professor boards a plane and gets a seat beside an old man.
Mid-flight, the professor decides to play a game with the old man and prove he’s intellectually superior, so he turns to him and says:
“Hey, do you want to play a little game with me?”
The old man looks at him and says: “Depends. What type of game?”
The professor goes on to explain the game:
“Taking turns, we’ll ask each other one question at a time. If the other knows the answer, the asker gives him one dollar, and if he doesn’t, he gives one dollar to the asker. Want to play?”
The professor grins, knowing his general knowledge is vastly superior.
To his dismay, the old man refuses! Determined to make him agree, the professor raises the stakes for him.
“If I lose, I ‘ll give you two dollars instead of one!”
“No.”
“Five dollars!”
“No.”
“Ten dollars!”
“I told you, no.”
Desperate, the professor makes one final offer: “If I lose, I’ll give you a hundred dollars, and if you lose you’ll only give me one!”
The professor pleads. The old man ponders this, and then sighs. “Only if I get to start”, and the professor immediately agrees.
“Ask away”, the professor says, confident he’ll never lose.
The old man asks: “What has five heads, forty feet, and lives inside of a bucket?”
The professor turns the riddle over in his head, trying to find anything that fits the description.
After an hour of intense concentration, the professor gives up. G rumbling, he pulls out his wallet and gives the old man $100.
He wastes no time and asks him: “So what has five heads, forty feet, and lives inside of a bucket?”
The old man smiles, shrugs and says:
“I’ve got no idea. Here’s your dollar.”