Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds.

The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn’t comfortable with that.

So the wife went on the ride by herself.

The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband’s feet.

”Are you hurt?” he asked.

”Of course I’m hurt!” she replied.

“Three times around and you didn’t wave once!”

An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theatre.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,

“Sorry sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”

The old man groaned but didn’t budge.

The usher became more impatient.

“Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”

Once again, the old man just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.

Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success.

Finally they summoned the police.

The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked,

“All right buddy what’s your name?”

“Fred,” the old man moaned.

“Where ya from, Fred?” asked the police officer.

With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred replied,

“The balcony.”

There was an old man who was known for his wisdom.

One day, a young man approached him and asked,

“Sir, what is the secret to a long and happy life?”

The old man replied,

“Well, there are three things you need to do. First, you need to eat healthy food and exercise regularly. Second, you need to surround yourself with people you love and who love you. And finally, you need to keep your mind active
and always be learning something new.”

The young man was impressed and asked,

“And how old are you, sir?”

The old man replied,

“I’m 100 years old.”

The young man was amazed and asked,

” And what’s your secret to living so long?”

The old man grinned and said,

“I lie about my age!”

An old man applies for a job as a woodcutter,

but the boss doesn’t think he’s fit enough.

He tells the boss he is able to cut down any tree in a single swing.

To prove this, he goes outside, hits a five-foot tree with his ax, and it falls over.

The boss is impressed.

The old man then repeats this with a ten-foot tree.

Then a thirty-foot tree. Finally, he takes his ax up to an 80-foot redwood, swings, and the giant tree comes tumbling down.

The boss is amazed and asks the man how he learned to do that.

The man says “I practiced in the Sahara forest.”

“Don’t you mean the Sahara desert?” The boss asks.

“Well yes,” says the old man, “that’s what they call it now.”

“In the Bible states that life begins at conception Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. This is God’s word so it is true.”

The doctor looked at the priest funny and said.

“You cannot be serious, I have been in practice for years and life begins at birth when you breathe your first breath of air.”

The priest and doctor continued to argue their point and as others began to shift their attention to their conversation, the old man spoke.

“You are both wrong, my wife and I fully agree that life begins when your kids finally move out of the house!”