12/25/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17895
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve.
They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter heaven.
On entering they are told that they must present something “Christmassy.” in order to get in.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family’s Christmas tree.
He is let in.
The second man presents a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were opened earlier in that night.
So he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of panties.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?”
To which he replies, “Oh, . . . They’re Carol’s.”
12/24/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17891
An old man is walking along the street one morning, feeling hungry.
He sees a sign in the window of a restaurant that says,
“Try our Exotic Breakfast now”
So he walks in and sits down at a table.
The waitress comes over and asks what he wants.
The old man asks, “What’s your Exotic Breakfast?”
“Baked tongue of chicken,” she proudly replies
The old man shouts,
“Baked tongue of chicken! Have you any idea how disgusting that is? I’d never even think about eating anything
that came out of a chicken’s mouth! Urgh!!”
The waitress is a little taken aback, but stays calm and asks him,
“No problem, sir. What would you prefer, then?”
The old man says, “Just bring me some scrambled eggs.”
12/23/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17888
A 17 year old guy walks into a drug store.
He says “I’ve been invited to Christmas dinner at my new girlfriend’s house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, you know what I mean.”
Clerk: “How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here’s a pack.”
The young man after paying walks to the door, stops, smiles, comes back: “you know what, the mom is also smoking hot, I think I’ll take another pack, just in case I get extra lucky.”
Christmas eve comes around, the boy sits at the dinner table and doesn’t say a word.
After a while his girlfriend says: “if I had known you were so quiet, I wouldn’t have invited you.”
the young man replies “if you had told me your dad works at the drug store, I wouldn’t have come.”
12/22/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17884
On a break time, a teacher realized that one of his students had just stayed idle like a desolated statue.
Wanting to at least cheer him up, the teacher went where the kid was and sat down besides him and said,
“Johnny, what’s wrong with you? Are you sick?”
“No.” He said shaking his head.
“So what’s wrong?”
“I just wanna be alone.”
“Why?”
“Nothing.”
“Come on, what if you tell me a story?”
“Hmmm,” said Johnny, “okay, I’ll tell you this story in four parts.”
“Now you’re talking. What’s the story about?”
“It’s about my mom and dad.”
“Really? That’ll be a great one.”
“Yes. It’s in four parts.”
“Great, so what’s the part one about?”
“My mom and dad were traveling to a camping site yesterday. On their way there, they reached a junction where the road was splitting up. Dad looked at my mom and said, ‘honey, we’re gonna take the right turn’ but my mom protested and said, ‘no, this road is too muddy! Take the right turn!’ Quickly, dad slapped my mom and asked her, ‘who is driving? Is it you or me?’ “
“Damn! That was harsh.” Said the teacher.
“Really? If you only knew about what happened in part two.”
“Okay, what happened in the second part?”
“When they arrived to the camping site, my dad went straight fishing and mom was home. Dad returned about an hour later with five tilapia fish which got my mom very happy and she said to him, ‘well done honey, bring them here so I can boil them for you and make you some soup.’ However, my dad protested saying, ‘no. No. No honey, I don’t want boiled fish, grill them a bit and fry them later…’ before he could even finish a hot slap landed on to his face and then my mom asked him, ‘who is cooking? Is it you or me?’.”
“Fair enough.” Said the teacher smiling.
“I like how smart she is.”
Johnny laughed and said,
me too, but now I wanna start telling you about what happened in the fourth part. You’ll like it I bet you…” the teacher cut him off.
“Why fourth part? Tell me about what happened in the third part first.” Said the teacher before a surprising hot slap landed on her face.
“Dammit Johnny! What was that for?”
Johnny laughed at her and said,
“who is telling the story? Is it you or me?”
12/21/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17881
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says,
‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel..’
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks,
‘Who was that?’
‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.
‘Great,’ the husband says,
‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’