01/09/2024 from Daily Jokes
#17950
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read:
“Purebred Police Dog $25.”
Thinking that it to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.
The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, “How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?”
“Don’t let his looks deceive you, ma’am,” the man replied, “He’s in the Secret Service.”
01/08/2024 from Daily Jokes
#17946
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering,
The pastor of a small Florida church found a pink envelope containing $1000.?
It happened again the next week.?
The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate.?
This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.
“Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated.
“Why yes,” she replied,
“every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church.”
The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful, how much does he send you?”
The old lady said, “$10,000 a week.”
The pastor was amazed.
“Your son is very successful. What does he do for a living?”
“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.
“That is an honourable profession,” the pastor said.
“Where does he practice?”
The old lady said proudly,
“In Nevada….He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno.”
01/07/2024 from Daily Jokes
#17943
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle.
For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant’s tail, really hard.
Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river.
The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle.
“Why did you do that?” the giraffe asks.
“When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason,” the elephant replied.
“Wow! You must have a good memory!” exclaimed the giraffe.
“Yep!” said the elephant. “I’ve got Turtle-Recall.”
01/06/2024 from Daily Jokes
#17940
Early morning Husband woke up his wife and asked her:
“Honey would you like to join me for Yoga?”
She: “Ohh. So you mean to say I am fat?”
Hubby: “No. Yoga is good for health.”
She: “Oh.. that means I am sick.”
Hubby: “No no. If you don’t want to get up, then it’s OK.”…
She: “So now you think I am lazy, ha?”
Hubby: “Nooo. You are misunderstanding me. I didn’t mean….”
She: “Aha ! So I don’t understand you, right?”
Hubby: “Now look I didn’t say that.”
She: “So am I lying? “
Hubby: Plz “don’t stretch it in the morning”
She: “Oh wow. So I am a quarrelsome lady.”
Hubby: “All right ! Its better that I also don’t go for Yoga.”
She: “See ? You never wanted to go. Just wanted to blame me.”
HUBBY: “Ok You go off to sleep. I am going alone.. happy?.”
SHE: “You always go alone everywhere and enjoy.”
Hubby: “Plz . I am feeling giddy now “
She: “See? You are so selfish. Always think of yourself only. Never think of my health.”
Grrrrrr…
Husband is sitting and thinking where he went wrong
01/05/2024 from Daily Jokes
#17937
An arrogant professor boards a plane and gets a seat beside an old man.
Mid-flight, the professor decides to play a game with the old man and prove he’s intellectually superior, so he turns to him and says:
“Hey, do you want to play a little game with me?”
The old man looks at him and says: “Depends. What type of game?”
The professor goes on to explain the game:
“Taking turns, we’ll ask each other one question at a time. If the other knows the answer, the asker gives him one dollar, and if he doesn’t, he gives one dollar to the asker. Want to play?”
The professor grins, knowing his general knowledge is vastly superior.
To his dismay, the old man refuses! Determined to make him agree, the professor raises the stakes for him.
“If I lose, I ‘ll give you two dollars instead of one!”
“No.”
“Five dollars!”
“No.”
“Ten dollars!”
“I told you, no.”
Desperate, the professor makes one final offer: “If I lose, I’ll give you a hundred dollars, and if you lose you’ll only give me one!”
The professor pleads. The old man ponders this, and then sighs. “Only if I get to start”, and the professor immediately agrees.
“Ask away”, the professor says, confident he’ll never lose.
The old man asks: “What has five heads, forty feet, and lives inside of a bucket?”
The professor turns the riddle over in his head, trying to find anything that fits the description.
After an hour of intense concentration, the professor gives up. G rumbling, he pulls out his wallet and gives the old man $100.
He wastes no time and asks him: “So what has five heads, forty feet, and lives inside of a bucket?”
The old man smiles, shrugs and says:
“I’ve got no idea. Here’s your dollar.”