03/10/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18170
Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, the pretty girl said,
“I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?”
“Only one ki444$ per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk.
“That’s fine,” said the girl.
“I’ll take ten yards.”
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled,
“Grandpa will pay the bill.”
03/09/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18167
An old lady, a difficult independent, use to sit on a bench in a park to feed the pigeons.
One day, she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company.
Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with JOY
Then suddenly a man in his early 40s, who was watching her from a distance, came near her and told her that she shouldn’t throw away good food on a bunch of
pigeons that can find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa.
The old lady said in crazed anger and without hesitation:
“Well, I can’t throw that far!”
03/08/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18163
Two old guys, one 80 and the other 87 were sitting on a park bench one morning.
The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.
The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87-year-old said,
“Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”
So on the way home the 80-year-old stops at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, “do you have any rye bread?”
She said, “yes, would you like some?”
The old guy said, yes, 5 loaves please.”
She said,
“my goodness 5 loaves! By the time you get to the third loaf, it’ll be hard.”
The old man says to himself, I can’t believe everybody knows about this!
03/07/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18158
Husband and wife went to see a marriage councillor,
After he had listened to a twenty minute tirade about how bad a husband he was, the councillor stood up, went round to his wife and embraced her and gave her a hug.
Then turned to husband and said..
“this is what your wife needs three times a week, can you manage that?”
Husband said..”
Well I can drop her off Mondays and Wednesday but I play golf on Fridays!
03/06/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18155
A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph ‘s Hospital.
She timidly asked,
“Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”
The operator said,
“I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number of the patient?”
The old lady in her weak, tremulous voice said,
“Norma Findlay, Room 302.”
The operator replied,
“Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse’s station for that room.”
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,
“I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal, and her
physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow.”
The old lady said,
“Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news.”
The operator replied,
“You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”
The old lady said,
“No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one ever tells me anything about how I’m doin’.