02/23/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18108
An old man is 85-year old and insists on taking his wife’s hand everywhere they go.
When a man asked him why his wife kept looking away, he responded,
“Because she has Alzheimer’s.” the old man said
Then the man proceeded to ask him, will your wife worry if you let her go?
He then replied,
“She doesn’t remember anything, she doesn’t know who I am anymore, she hasn’t recognized me for years.”
Surprised, the old man said,
“And you have continued to guide her every single day even though she doesn’t recognize you?”
The elderly man smiled and looked into the man’s eyes and said,
“She may not know who I am, but I know who she is, and she is the love of my life.”
02/22/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18105
A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says to himself with caution, “This guy looks edible, never seen his kind before.”
So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace.
The dog notices and starts to panic but as he’s about tocrun he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea.
He says loudly, “Mmm…that was delicious lion meat!”
The lion abruptly stops and says “Woah! This guy must be tougher then he looks…I better leave while I can.”
Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything.
Evidently, the monkey realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return.
So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily, “Get on my back, we’ll go get him together.”
So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts,
“Where the hell is that monkey?! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago!!”
02/21/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18102
An elderly couple were sitting outdoors at a cafe when they noticed an old man who seemed to be having trouble crossing the street with an ungainly shuffle.
The man said to his wife, “He surely has bad arthritis to walk like that.”
His wife replied, “No, that’s definitely old time rheumatism.”
They couldn’t agree so the man decided to ask the old man.
He walked over to him and said,
“Excuse me, sir, but my wife and I saw you having difficulty crossing the street and I told her that you have arthritis but she insisted that you have rheumatism.
Which one of us was wrong?”
The old man said, “The three of us were wrong.”
“Three of us were wrong? How so?” asked the man.
To which the old man replied,
“You were wrong when you said I had arthritis, your wife was wrong when she said I had rheumatism, and I was wrong when I thought I just had to pass gas.”
02/20/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18099
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid..
The office worker asked her,
“How many children do you have?”
“Ten,” she replied.
“What are their names?” he asked.
“David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David,” she answered.
“They’re all named David?” he asked
“What if you want them to come in from playing outside?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” she said.
“I just call ‘David,’ and they all come running in.”
“And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?”
“I just say, ‘David, come eat your dinner’,” she answered.
“But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?” he asked.
“Oh, that’s easy,” she said.
“I just use their last name”.
02/19/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18096
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees wasn’t in and had not phoned in sick one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper:
“Hello?”
“Is your daddy home?” He asked.
“Yes.” Whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?”
The child whispered. “No.”
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked. “Is your Mommy there?”
“Yes .”
“May I talk with her?”
Again the small voice whispered. “No.”
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked.
“Is anybody else there?”
“Yes.” Whispered the child. “A policeman.”
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked.
“May I speak with the policeman?”
“No, he’s busy.” Whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?”
“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman.” Came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked.
“What is that noise?”
“A helicopter.” Answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?” Demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered.
“The search team just landed a helicopter.”
Alarmed, concerned, and a little frustrated the boss asked:
“What are they searching for?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle…
“Me.”