04/14/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20382
A man and a woman are sleeping together when suddenly there is a noise in the house, and the woman rolls over and says, “It’s my husband, you have to leave!”
The man jumps out of bed, jumps through the window, crawls through the bushes, and out on the street, when he realizes something.
He goes back to the house and says to the woman, “Wait, I’m your husband!”
She replies giving him a dirty look, “So why did you run?”
04/13/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20379
One night a lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, “Acts 2:38: ‘Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.'”
The robber quickly gave up & the lady rang the police.
While handcuffing the criminal, a policeman said, “Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily. How come you gave up so quickly?”
The robber said, “She said she had an axe and two 38’s!”
04/12/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20375
A mother comes home from work to find that her kids are hiding behind the couch.
She asks what’s wrong, and the kids reply that aunt Sally was in the house naked.
So she goes to her bedroom to investigate, and she finds her husband lying on the bed naked and sweaty.
She asks, “What’s going on?”
He replies, “I’m having a heart attack.”
She says “I’m going to call 911, while I’m really looking for my sister.”
She discovers the aunt in the bathroom closet in the nude, and gives her a slap, “How dare you! My husband is having a heart attack and you’re running around scaring the kids!”
04/11/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20372
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table.
A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice.
She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.”
With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, “Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!”
As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, “Yes! Yes! I won! I won!”
She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs.
The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, “What did she roll?”
The other answers, “I don’t know, I thought you were watching.”
04/10/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20365
An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there’s a lamp.
He picks it up, and as he starts to rub the dirt off of it, a genie comes out of the lamp and says, “I want to know the person you hate the most.”
The explorer says, “That’s gotta be my ex-wife. Why?”
“I am a cursed genie. I will grant you three wishes, but whatever you wish for, your ex-wife will get double that amount.”
“Okay, I wish for a billion dollars.”
“Granted, but you ex-wife gets two billion dollars.”
“I wish for a mansion in California with a swimming pool, and tennis courts, everything.”
“Granted, and your ex-wife gets two.”
“Now make your final wish.”
The explorer walks around for a few minutes, returns to the genie with a stick, and says, “You see this stick? I’d like you to beat me half to death.”