Daily Joke: Jokes Library

One day, there were two boys playing by a stream.

One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it.

The other boy couldn’t figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long.

The other boy went over to the bush and looked.

The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream.

All of a sudden, the second boy took off running.

The first boy couldn’t understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend.

Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away.

The boy said to his friend, “My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran.”

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, “I need a man, I need a man!”

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning.

When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, “Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!”

A boy says to a girl, “So, lets make love at my place?”

“Yeah!”

“Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we’re making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?”

Later on the girl is yelling, “Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!”

The younger brother says, “Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!”

Why did I get divorced?

Well, last week was my birthday.

My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday.

My parents forgot and so did my kids.

I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday.

As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy birthday, boss!”

I felt so special.

She asked me out for lunch.

After lunch, she invited me to her apartment.

We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?”

“Okay,” I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa… naked.

The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team.

“Can you tackle?” asked the coach. “Watch this,” said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

“Wow,” said the coach.

“I’m impressed. Can you run?”

“Of course I can run,” said the freshman.

He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.

“Great!” enthused the coach. “But can you pass a football?”

The freshman hesitated for a few seconds.

“Well, sir,” he said, “if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it.”