Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A young boy walked up to his father and asked, “Dad, does a lawyer ever tell the truth?”

The father thought for a moment. “Yes, son. Sometimes a lawyer will do anything to win a case.”

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the Desk Sergeant.

“No, no, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

“The job notice posted at the Memphis State University placement office advertised for someone to set up a bookkeeping system for a local dinner theater that was filing for bankruptcy. When an eager first-year accounting student inquired, the interviewer told him that the company needed an advanced student capable of handling Chapter 11 proceedings. “”I’m sure I could do it,”” the student proclaimed confidently. “”My class is already up to chapter fourteen.”

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement in the local paper were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store’s opening time.

A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line:

“That does it! If they hit me one more time, I don’t open the store!”

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

“My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.”

“Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.”

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.