Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given the last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, “Son, do you have a last request?” To which the man replied, “Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play The Macarena for me one last time?”

“Certainly,” replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, “Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?”

“Please,” said the condemned man, “kill me first.”

My husband and I took our two-year-old daughter, Madison, to the home-improvement store.

Madison got tired of walking, so my husband let her ride on his shoulders.

As he walked, Madison began pulling his hair.

Although he asked her to stop several times, she kept on yanking away at his mane.

Getting annoyed, he scolded, “Madison! Stop that!”

“But, Daddy,” she replied, “I’m just trying to get my gum back.”

Mrs. O’Henry was talking to her husband one night about their son and his allowance.

“Well, darling,” said Mr. O’Henry, “I had a long talk with him last week about the value of a dollar.”

“I know,” she replied, “the other day he asked for his allowance in Yen.”

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking about a specific condition, she asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?”

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.