Daily Joke: Jokes Library

My Dad bought my Mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.

“Oh,” said My Dad, “I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet.”

“How come?” I asked.

“Well,” he answered, “because with a clarinet, she can’t sing.”

Whenever I see a woman driving a bus I smile and think about how far we, as a society, have come in equality.

And then I wait for the next bus.

Death comes to take a lawyer away.

The lawyer cries and pleads, “Why so early? I am only forty!”

Death replies, “Not according to the hours you billed.”

A mother and father read a bedtime story of a king to their five year old son. As the story concludes, the son says, “Mom, I also want five wives. One will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me…”

Mom: “And one will put you to sleep!”

Son: “No mom, I will still sleep with you.”

Mom’s eyes fill up with tears: “God bless you son.”

Mom continues: “But who will sleep with your 5 wives?”

Son: “Let them sleep with daddy.”

Daddy’s eyes fill up with tears: “God bless you son.”

The basketball coach stormed into the university president’s office and demanded a raise right then and there.

“Please,” protested the college president, “you already make more than the entire History Department.”

“Yeah, maybe so, but you don’t know what I have to put up with,” the coach blustered. “Look.”

He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. “Run over to my office and see if I’m there,” he ordered.

Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. “You’re not there, sir,” he reported.

“Oh, I see what you mean,” conceded the president, scratching his head. “I would have phoned.”