Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A rancher was minding his own business when an FBI agent came up up to him and said, “We got a tip that you may be growing illegal drugs on the premises. Do you mind if I take a look around?”

The old rancher replied, “That’s fine, you shouldn’t go over there though.” As he pointed at one of his fields.

The FBI agent snapped at him, “I’m am a federal agent! I can go wherever I want!” With that he pulled out his badge and shoved it into the ranchers face.

The rancher shrugged this off and continued with his daily chores. About 15 minutes later he heard a loud scream from the field he had pointed out earlier. All of a sudden he could see the FBI agent sprinting towards him with a large bull on his heels.

The rancher rushed to the fence and yelled, “Your badge! Show your badge to the bull!”

A man has a curse, he is only able to say a single word every year. But if he doesn’t say a word that year he can say two the next year, then three, and so on.

One day he meets a beautiful woman and wants to ask her to marry him, but he has no words saved up so he must wait four years.

So he waits four years and he is finally able to ask her the question. He looks her in the eyes and says “Will you marry me?”

She looks back at him with a smile and twinkle in her eye and replies “Come again?”

A couple are sitting in their living room, sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife says, “I love you!”

“Is that you or the wine talking?” asks the husband.

“It’s me,” says the wife. “Talking to the wine.”

On the morning of her birthday, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”

“Maybe you’ll find out tonight,” he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. She ripped off the wrapping paper and found a book titled ‘The Meaning of Dreams’.

A man goes swimming in the ocean but gets sucked out to sea. A boat passes by him and tells him to climb aboard but he says, “I have faith, God will save me.”.

The Coast Guard comes by with a rescue helicopter and tells him to climb the ladder up, but he says, “I have faith, God will save me.”.

The man is now getting tired but thankfully a dolphin swims under him and starts to carry him to shore, but the man pushes the dolphin away saying, “I have faith, God will save me.”.

The man dies and goes to Heaven. He asks God, “Why didn’t you save me?”.

God replies, “I tried! I sent a ship, a helicopter and a dolphin!”.