Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man walks into a bar, already drunk, and asks for a drink. “Sorry,” the bartender says, “but you obviously already had a little too much to drink.”

Fuming mad the man staggers out the front door and walks back in through the side door. “Can I have a drink please?”

“Sorry,” the bartender says, “but you can’t have a drink here.”

The man staggers out again and then stumbles his way back in through the back door. “Can I please have a drink?”

“Enough!” the bartender screamed. “I told you, no drinks!”

The man looks at the bartender closely and exclaims “Geez! How many bars do you work at?!”

I recently ran into an old student of mine, who said, “I always liked you. You never had favorites.”

“Why thank you,” I replied.

Then he concluded with, “You were mean to everyone.”

During a sixth grade sex education class, the young professor asked, “What happens to a young woman during puberty?”

There was no reply from her students, so she rephrased the question. “What happens to young women as they mature?”

One girl raised her hand and answered, “We start carrying purses?”

An inebriated man and his drunken friend were sitting at a bar.

“Do you know what time it is?” Asked the drunk.

“Sure,” said the man.

“Thanks,” said the drunk.

Grandma, who was becoming an evermore intimidating personality as the years went on, was giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit with his wife:

“You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, ring my doorbell.”

“Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?” the grandson asked.

“You’re coming empty handed…?”