05/31/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20569
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks for bottom deodorant…
The assistant, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they have never sold bottom deodorant.
The blonde, unfazed, assures the lady behind the counter that she has been buying the stuff from here regularly and would like some more.
The shop assistant, knowing full well they don’t sell such an item, smiles and says, “One moment please, I will get the Pharmacist.”
The pharmacist comes out and says, “Can I help you, miss?”
“I would like to buy some bottom deodorant, please,” says the blonde.
“I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.”
“But I always get it here,” insists the blonde.
“Do you have the container it comes in?”
“Yes!” she says, returning shortly with the item.
The pharmacist looks at it and says, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.”
The annoyed blonde snatches it back and reads the label aloud, “To apply, push up bottom.”
05/30/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20566
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter walks up to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?”
The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.
The man repeats himself, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?”
Again, no answer.
After several tries, the guy storms off in frustration.
A customer behind him asks the clerk, “Why wouldn’t you answer his question?”
The clerk replies, “D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!”
05/29/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20562
A Karen picks up her order in a coffee shop and after tasting her coffee demands to speak to the manager.
“This coffee is stale! I demand that you make me some fresh coffee immediately,” she bellowed.
The manager said, “I regret the inconvenience and I’ll take care of it personally.”
A few minutes later the manager walks up with a new cup and hands it to the Karen. She takes a sip and immediately spits it out.
“Yuck! This coffee tastes like dirt!” she roared.
The manager replied, “I can assure you: It was ground 5 minutes ago.”
05/28/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20555
An attorney called and asked to speak to his client, a wealthy art collector.
He said, “Matt, I have some good news and I have some bad news.”
The art collector replied, “You know, I’ve had an absolutely rotten day, Jack, so let’s hear the good news first.”
The lawyer said, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between 15 to 20 million dollars, and I think she might be right.”
Matt perked up and replied, “Amazing! My wife is such a brilliant businesswoman, isn’t she?
You’ve just made my day. Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?”
“The pictures are of you and your secretary.”
05/27/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20548
A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “This is the third time I’ve been in this bar.”
“Really?” says the bartender.
“In 1982, I came in the day before my wedding. I was nervous. I was unsure. In retrospect, I was lacking confidence in myself, in my future.”
“Fair enough,” says the bartender.
“Over 40 years later, I came back… the day after my wife died. It’s amazing how life can change. How every uncertainty can become the past. How the unknown can come to mean… everything.”
The bartender doesn’t know what to say.
But the man continues. “Those were the two most important days of my life,” he says.
The two stand in silence for a moment.
“Well then,” says the bartender, “what brings you here today?”
“As fate would have it,” the man replies, “I forgot my umbrella.”