Daily Joke: Jokes Library

One Spring afternoon, I came home to find two little girls on the steps of my building. Both were crying hard, shedding big tears. Thinking they might be hurt, I dropped my briefcase and quickly went over to them. “Are you all right?” I asked.

Still sobbing, one held up her doll. “My baby’s arm came off,” she said.

I took the doll and its disjointed arm. After a little effort and luck, the doll was again whole. “Thank you,” came a whisper from the girl as I handed her the doll back. Next, looking into the tearful eyes of her friend, I asked, “And what’s the matter with you, young lady?”

She wiped her cheeks and said, “Oh I’m okay, I was just helping her cry.”

In a software design meeting, we were using typical technical jargon to discuss a data exchange interface with a vendor.

One co-worker said the programming we had ordered was delayed because the vendor was suffering from a “severe non-linear waterfowl issue.”

Curious, the team leader raised his eyebrows and asked, “What exactly is that?”

The programmer replied, “They don’t have all their ducks in a row.”

A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage she was approached by a friend who laughingly remarked, “I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your husband sometimes talks about his first wife?”

“Oh, not any more, he doesn’t,” the widow replied.

“What stopped him?”

“I started talking about my next husband.”

Deep in the back woods of Tennessee, a farmer’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, “Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing.” Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

“Whoa there,” said the doctor, “don’t be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there’s another one coming.” Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.

“Hold that lantern up, don’t set it down there’s another one!” said the doctor. Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.

“No, don’t be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there’s yet another one coming!” cried the doctor.

The farmer scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, “You think it might be the light that’s attracting them?”

One week before her wedding, a mother pulls aside her daughter (and bride-to-be). She says, “I will now give you the advice that has been passed down from generation to generation, from woman to woman.”

The daughter listened attentively, curious as to what the advice would be.

The mom continued, “Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish, and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.”