Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A guy is doing some handyman work at a house. Across the room is a large gray parrot on a perch. The family dog comes into the room and jumps up on the couch. The parrot says, “Get off the couch!” and the dog jumps down immediately.

A small child comes into the room with toys and the parrot says, “Go to your room!” and the child picks up his toys leaves without hesitation.

The guy turns to the parrot and says, “I’ve never seen anything like that before.”

The parrot looks at the guy and says, “Get back to work!”

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, “Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”

Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”

A cop pulled me over and saids, “Papers.”

I turned to him and said, “Scissors. I win!” and then drove away.

A Shaolin monk, a great philosopher and a priest were walking down a country road and came upon a young farm boy. At that moment the four of them looked up to see a chicken crossing the road.

The question arose, why does the chicken cross the road?

The Shaolin monk said it’s the destiny of the chicken to seek its own path.

The great philosopher said its action teaches a lesson in the ways of nature much like life itself.

The Priest said it’s because it follows the plan of our maker under his divine rule.

Just then the young farm boy spoke up, “Actually, it’s because I left the chicken coop door open.”

Stand-Up Comedian: “You should have seen my show last night. It was standing room only.”

Stand-Up Comedian’s Friend: “Oh yeah? You were that good?”

Stand-Up Comedian: “That, and the fact that some thieves stole all the chairs out of the club the night before.”