Daily Joke: Jokes Library

My husband was trying to embarrass me at a party by carrying on about all the stuff women carry in their purses.

Instead of blushing I said, “You’re right. There IS too much stuff in my purse.” So, I removed his wallet, cigarettes, lighter, and car keys and handed them to him.

When he asked what he was supposed to do with them, I smile and said, “Get your own purse!”

At a party of professionals, a doctor was having difficulty socializing. Everyone wanted to describe their symptoms and get an opinion about diagnosis. The doctor turned to a lawyer acquaintance and asked, “How do you handle people who want advice outside of the office?”

“Simple,” answered the lawyer, “I send them a bill. That stops it.”

The next day, the doctor, still feeling a bit reserved about what he had just finished doing, opened his mailbox to send out the bills. Much to his surprise, there sat a bill from the lawyer.

Carlos told his wife he wanted a guitar to play while sitting in the Jacuzzi.

The next day she bought him an electric guitar.

As patrons were shopping at the mall around Christmas, Bill and Fred heard a commotion coming from the area where Santa greets the children. “What do you suppose is going on?” asked Bill.

A nearby shopper told them that the new Santa Clause, an eccentric old fellow, had attached dozens of clocks, watches, and other various timepieces onto his big wide belt, circling his whole body.

“Let’s go see him,” said Fred. “He sounds like a nut, but it’s worth checking out.”

“Naw, I’m not interested,” replied Bill.

“Why don’t you want to see Santa with a bunch of clocks tied around his midriff?”

“I’ll tell you why. It’s a waist of time!”

Wife: “No, I’m telling you, I’m right! He couldn’t eat the Trix because he was an adult rabbit and Trix were only supposed to be for kids.”

Husband: “Well, I always thought it was just because he was a rabbit and not a person.”

[A period of silence — the wife looks down at her food.]

Husband: “What’s wrong?”

Wife: “I’m just really getting tired of you always being wrong.”