Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Two girlfriends were talking to each other about relationships. “I put an ad in one of those singles websites looking for a boyfriend.”

“What kind of guy did you say you were looking for?”

“I wanted an ambitious guy who likes to dig in to get the job done and is really down to earth. I think I found him.”

“So what does he do?”

“He’s a grave digger.”

After years of working for others and being passed over for promotions, John and his wife, Mary, decided to go into business together. After examining the classifieds, they bought a small candy stand, paying thirty cents for each box of candy and then selling it for thirty cents.

At the end of the day they were astonished to find that they had sold every box of candy – yet had exactly as much money as when they started.

“You see?” John snarled at his wife. “I told you we should have bought a larger stand!”

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other, “Your son go back to college yet?”

“Two days ago.”

“Hmm. Mine’s a senior this year, so it’s almost over. In May, he’ll be an engineer. What’s your boy going to be when he gets out of college?”

“At the rate he’s going, I’d say he’ll be about thirty.”

“No, I mean what’s he taking in college?”

“He’s taking every penny I make.”

“Doesn’t he burn the midnight oil enough?”

“He doesn’t get in early enough to burn the midnight oil.”

“Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?”

“Sure has! It’s totally cured his mother of bragging about him!”

My three-year-old daughter stuck out her hand and said, “Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.”

Since she was eating a juicy pickle at the time, I thrust her contaminated hands under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap. After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe, “How did you kill that fly all by yourself?”

Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.”

There are three kinds of men in this world…

Some remain single and make wonders happen.

Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.

The rest get married and wonder what happened???