08/08/2017 from Daily Jokes
#10419
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest seated beside her: “Father, may I ask a favor?”
“Of course. What may I do for you?”
“Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”
“With your honest face, father, no one will question you.”
When they got to customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked: “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”
The official thought this answer strange, so asked: “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”
“I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the official said: “Go ahead, Father. Next!”
08/07/2017 from Daily Jokes
#10415
A beautiful young woman was about to undergo a minor operation. She was lying on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her.
The nurse pushed her trolley down the corridor towards the operating theater, where she left the woman on the trolley outside, while she went in to check whether everything was ready.
A young man wearing a white coat approached her, lifted the sheet up and started examining her naked body.
He put the sheet back and then walked away and talked to another man in a white coat.
A second man came over, lifted the sheet and performed the same examinations.
When a third man did the same thing, yet even more carefully, she began to grow impatient and blurted out:
“All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?”
The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: “I have no idea. We’re just painting the corridor.”
08/05/2017 from Daily Jokes
#10410
One morning, a young nun woke up, got out of bed, and dressed for the day ahead. She then left her room and headed downstairs for breakfast.
As she walked down a corridor, she passed two older nuns, one of whom said: “You got out of the wrong side of bed this morning.”
The two older nuns then walked away giggling. The young nun was puzzled by this, but shrugged it off and carried on.
She then passed another older nun who also said: “You got out of the wrong side of bed this morning.” before walking away giggling.
As the young nun continued to make her way down to the dinner hall, she kept on passing her fellow sisters, all of whom made the same: ‘You got out of the wrong side of bed this morning’ comment and walked away laughing.
By the time the young nun got to the dinner hall she was so livid she bumped into the Mother Superior in the doorway.
The Mother Superior was just about to open her mouth to say something before the younger nun cut in, saying: “Don’t tell me, ‘I got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning’!”
The Mother Superior shrugged and then said: “I wasn’t going to say that. I was going to ask, what are you doing with the bishop’s shoes on?”
08/05/2017 from Daily Jokes
#10407
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband — who was a big burly man — tossed his trousers to his bride and said, “Here, put these on.”
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. “I cant wear your trousers,” she said.
“That’s right, said the husband, “and don’t you ever forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family.”
With that she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.”
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. “Hell,” he said. I cant get into your panties!”
She replied, “That’s right, and that’s the way its going to stay until your attitude changes.”
08/04/2017 from Daily Jokes
#10404
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”
The mother said, “Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess.”
So the boy asked the stewardess, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”
The stewardess responded, “Did your mother tell you to ask me?”
The boy admitted that this was the case. “Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain THAT to you.”