Daily Joke: Jokes Library

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma on the wall, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class, some 30-odd years ago

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on way back then? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Northmont high school.

“Yes. Yes, I did. I’m a thunderbolt,” he said gleaming with pride.

“When did you graduate?” I asked.

He answered, “in 1975. Why do you ask?”

“You were in my class!”, I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely, then, the ugly, old, bald, wrinkle-faced, fat, gray-haired, decrepit fool asked, “What did you teach?”

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get so stressed that little things seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it – he was a dwarf!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!!!’

So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’

The owner and head of sales of a large furniture store in the mid-west arrived in Paris on a buying trip. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. However, she only spoke French and he only spoke English, so each couldn’t understand a word the other spoke.

He took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park.

Later, he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded, so they went to dinner.

After dinner, he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They went to several night-clubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening.

It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. He was utterly amazed and took her home. To this very day, he still doesn’t know how she guessed that he was a furniture salesman!

Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.

The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, “Nice, nurses are known to be hot.”

The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, “Telephone operators have sexy voices.”

The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, “Poor guy, teachers are too strict.”

The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse’s husband. He sourly says, “Don’t ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was ‘You’re not sanitary, you’re not sanitary.'”

Then, the telephone operator’s husband calls and sourly says, “Don’t ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was “Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'”

Later that afternoon, the teacher’s husband calls and happily says,

“When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was ‘We are going to do this over and over until we get it right!'”

Margaret was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertaker’s to have one last look at her dearly departed husband.

The instant she saw him she started crying. One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber moment.

Through her tears she explains that she is upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.

The undertaker apologizes and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies in a black suit, but he’d see what he could arrange.

The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day.

When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she managed to smile through her tears as Albert is resplendent in a smart blue suit.

She said to the undertaker “Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?”

“Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband’s size was brought in & he was wearing a blue suit.

His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit,” the undertaker replied.

The wife smiled at the man.  He continued, “After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads.”