04/26/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11355
Today I opened a new email account, I always use the same password: “cabbage”. It’s easy to remember. But it seems the computer had other plans…
Please enter your new password:
“cabbage”
Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
“boiled cabbage”
Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
“1 boiled cabbage”
Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
“50bloodyboiledcabbages”
Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
“50BLOODYboiledcabbages”
Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
“50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArse,
IfYouDon’tGiveMeAccessnow”
Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
“ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIf
YouDontGiveMeAccessnow”
Sorry, that password is already in use.
04/25/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11352
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: “Two Prostitutes — $50.00.”
A policeman seeing the sign stopped them and told them they’d either have to remove the sign Or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: “JESUS SAVES.”
One of the girls asked the officer, “How come you don’t stop them?!”
“Well, that’s a little different; the officer smiled “Their sign pertains to religion.”
So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.
The following day found the same police officer in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again.
Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which now read:
“Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter — $50.00.”
04/24/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11345
After being with her all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with his blind date.
Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him on the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said: “I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.”
“Thank heavens,” his date replied. “If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to!”
04/23/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11341
Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a palm reader’s table.
The mysterious woman said: “For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future.”
Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said: “I can see that you have no girlfriend.”
“That’s true,” said Paul.
“Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” Paul shamefully admitted. “That’s amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?”
“Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters.”
04/22/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11338
A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven.
At the pearly gates he was asked by the gatekeeper: “Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?”
“Yes,” the professor answered.
“When I was a young candidate at the Hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against a team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.”
“Well,” said the gatekeeper. “That is a very minor sin. You may enter.”
“Thank you very much, Saint Peter,” the professor answered.
“You’re welcome, but I am not Saint Peter,” said the gatekeeper. “He is having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas.”