Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Sometimes it’s the simplest jokes that end up being the most hilarious! That’s why we’ve gathered a collection of 35 different ‘Why’ jokes that are bound to make people of all ages giggle. Take a look.

1. Why do you never see hippos hiding in trees?
Because they’re extremely good at it.

2. Why do ducks fly south in winter?
Walking takes way too long.

3. Why do flamingos usually lift a single leg while standing?
Because if they lifted both, they’d topple over.

4. Why do ants never get ill?
Because they are made out of antibodies.

5. Why did the old lady fall into the well?
She couldn’t see that well.

6. Why don’t seagulls live near the bay?
Because if they did they would be bagels.

7. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl use the toilet?
Because the “P” is silent!

8. Why don’t helicopters fly at 5am?
Twirly!

9. Why should you never invite a nosy pepper to your home?
He’ll get jalapeño business.

10. Why can’t burritos be trusted?
They tend to spill the beans!

11. Why did the snail get a giant letter S painted on his new Ferrari?
So people will say “Look at that S-car go!”

12. Why couldn’t the hippie be saved by the lifeguard?
He was too far out, man!

13. Why was the tomato red?
He saw the salad dressing.

14. Why does the chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

15. Why do mermaids wear seashells?
Because they outgrew their B shells.

16. Why did the fungi leave the fungus?
There was not mushroom.

17. Why was the mushroom the life of the party?
Because he’s a fungi.

18. Why did the banana lose its driving license?
He peeled out.

19. Why do scuba divers fall backward out boats?
Because if they fell forwards they would still be in the boat.

20. Why shouldn’t you run in a campsite?
Because you can only ran, since it’s past tents.

21. Why do Norwegian Navy ships have barcodes?
So when they return to port, they can scan-de-navy-in.

22. Why did seven eat nine?
Because you’re meant to eat three squared meals each day.

23. Why can’t pirates remember the alphabet?
They always get lost at C!

24. Why can’t cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.

25. Why was the bear happy and sad simultaneously?
He was a bi-polar bear.

26. Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days?
They look a bit shady.

27. Why can’t you tell jokes to a kleptomaniac?
They always take things, literally.

28. Why don’t sprinters eat before a big race?
They fast.

29. Why does ET have such huge eyes?
He saw his electricity bill.

30. Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.

31. Why does everyone want to move to Switzerland?
Their flag is a big plus.

32. Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize?
It was out standing in its field.

33. Why should you always wear two pairs of pants when golfing?
In case you get a hole in one.

34. Why couldn’t the Buddhist vacuum under the bed?
Because he had no attachments.

35. Why do bagpipers walk when playing their instrument?
To get away from the noise.

Three Russian men are sitting in a jail cell together.

One of them asks the two others: “So what did you do?”

The first one answers: “Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat.”

The second one answers: “Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accused me of wanting to be favored and promoted over my fellow workers.”

Then they turn to the one who asked the question: “How about you, then?”

“Well, I arrived at the factory right on time, and so they accused me of having a watch from the West.

A man enters a sexy lingerie store to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price — the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. Upstairs the wife thinks (she’s no dummy): “I have an idea. It’s so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, I’ll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.”

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, “Good Grief! You’d think for $500, they’d at least iron it!”

He never heard the shot.

Funeral on Thursday at Noon.

The coffin will be closed.

Desperate after three bad months of sales at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the famous Colonel called up the Pope and asks him for a favor.

“What can I do for you?” Said the Pope.

The Colonel said, “Holy father, I need you to change the daily prayer from, ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken’. If you do that, I swear I will donate $10 Million Dollars to the Vatican.”

The Pope replied, “I am very sorry. That is the Lord’s prayer and it isn’t something I can just change the words for.” So the Colonel, disappointed, hung up.

After another month of bad sales, the Colonel panicked, and called again. “Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I’ll donate $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken.'”

And the Pope responded, “It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us to support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord’s prayer, and I can’t change the words.” So the Colonel gave up again.

After two more months of terrible sales, the Colonel got desperate. “This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily chicken’ I will donate $100 million to the Vatican.”

The Pope replied, “Let me get back to you.”

So the next day, the Pope called together all of his bishops and said, “I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican.”

The bishops rejoiced at the news.

Then one asked about the bad news.

The Pope replied:

“The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account.”

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.

“Wow…that looks deep.” “Sure does… toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is.”

They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait… no noise.

“Jeeez. That is REALLY deep… here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise.”

They pick up a couple of football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait… and wait. Nothing.

They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, “Hey…over here in the weeds, there’s a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it’s GOTTA make some noise.”

The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.

Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it’s legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.

The two men are astonished with what they’ve just seen…

Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over.

“Hey… you two guys seen my goat out here?”

“You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!”

“Nah”, says the farmer, “That couldn’t have been MY goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie.”