Daily Joke: Jokes Library

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park.

He was a widower and she a widow.

They had known one another for a number of years.

Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.

These two were at the same table, across from one another.

As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, “Will you marry me?”

After a dramatic pause and precisely six seconds of ‘careful consideration,’ she answered. “Yes. Yes, I will.”

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. “Did she say ‘yes’ or did she say ‘no’?”

He couldn’t remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory.

With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.

First, he explained to her that he didn’t remember as well as he used to.

Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.

As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No’?”

He was delighted to hear her say, “Why, I said, ‘Yes, yes I will’ and I meant it with all my heart.”

Then she continued, “And I am so glad that you called because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.”

Three swimmers are on the starting blocks at the Paralympic games.

The first one has no arms, the second one has no legs, and the third one is just a head standing on the block.

The race starts, the first two swimmers jump in and start swimming, someone pushes the head in.

They go at it like crazy and finally, the guy with no legs reaches the finish line.

Everyone cheers, he is so happy, but he looks around and sees bubbles coming from the water.

He dives and grabs the head that was underwater. The head coughs some water and says:

“I train for five years to swim with my ears and just before the start an idiot comes and puts a swim cap on me!”

One day, three unemployed factory workers heard that a large food company was enlarging and needed more staff.

So they went downtown to see if they could get themselves a job.

After filling out their applications, each one was interviewed and each one managed to get hired.

As they were waiting to be assigned their new duties, a foreman came by and spoke to the hiring boss.

The foreman told the boss that he didn’t think it was such a good idea as one of the workers had snapped for no apparent reason at his last job.

Also, a second was said to have had cracked up after severe mental stress.

The third, he believed was their father who he felt was a bit odd but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

The hiring boss reassured the foreman and said that they would start on something easy and after a week, the company would re-assess them to see if they would be kept on.

The foreman reluctantly agreed and asked the boss where he thought they should start.

The boss replied, “Why not take them and put them in our Cereal Division – Snap, Crackle, and Pop should work out fine down there.”

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

“Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled.

“I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.”

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

He replied, “Well, you see my wife and I have married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge.

“Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk.”

A college student wrote a letter home:

Dear folks,

I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money.

I feel ashamed and unhappy.

I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels.

I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.

Your son,

Marvin

P.S. I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked this up at the box at the corner.

I wanted to take this letter and burn it.

I prayed to God that I could get it back, but I was too late.

A few days later, he received a letter from his father:

Dear Son, Good news! Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came!