Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man was talking to one of his friends named Jim when another friend walked up to them. The friend showed them that his head had become a giant pumpkin.

The two friends were awestruck as they watched their friend with the giant pumpkin head move staggeringly. They were confused about what happened and wasted no time asking him.

The pumpkin man relayed that he met a genie on his way, and the genie granted him three wishes. His friends did not seem interested in the genie story and proceeded to ask about what happened to his head.

He stopped them halfway and continued the genie story. The pumpkin man explained that his first wish was to have a million dollars. But his pals wanted him to cut to the chase and continued asking about his head.

He cut them off again, explaining that he asked to be happy for the rest of his life for his second wish. One of his friends looked at him and commended him for making a good decision.

The friend then added, “Ok ok, sure, man, but what about the fact your head’s a giant pumpkin now?!?” He paused for a minute before exclaiming:

“Oh! This. For my third wish, I wished for a giant pumpkin head.”

Two senior gentlemen are working at a sewage treatment plant.

One guy goes off to lunch and comes back to find his buddy standing above a vat of sewage with a long rake.

“What are you doing?!” he yells

“My coat fell in!” his buddy yells back

“You’re not really gonna wear that again are you?!” his friend said worriedly.

“No, no. Gosh no!” Says the old man to the relief of his friend.

“I have to get it back though. My teeth are in the pocket!”

“I’ll do whatever I can for my constituents”

A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.

“We have two big needs,” said the village headman. “First, we have a hospital but no doctor.”

The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while, and then said, “I have it sorted out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?”

“We have no cellphone reception at all in our village.”

An elderly couple were sitting together watching television.
During one of those commercials, the husband asked his wife, “Whatever happened to our sexual relations?”
After a long thoughtful silence, the wife replied during
the next commercial,
“You know, I don’t know. I don’t even think we got a
Christmas card from them this year.”

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
Her mother asked, “How was the honeymoon?”
“Oh, Mum,” she replied, “the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic…”
Suddenly she burst out crying.
“But, Mum, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language…things I’d never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You’ve got to come get me and take me home…. Please Mum!”
“Sarah,” her mother said, “calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?”
“Please don’t make me tell you, Mum,” wept the daughter, “I’m so embarrassed, they’re just too awful! Come get me, please!”
“Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!”
Still sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, Mum, they were words like dust, wash, iron, cook!”