Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man and a woman were having drinks, getting to know one another and started bantering back and forth about male female issues.

They talked about who was better in certain sports, who were the better entertainers, etc.

The flirting continued for more than an hour when the topic of sex came up.

So they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, “Men obviously enjoy sex more than women.

Why do you think we’re so obsessed with getting laid?”

He then went on for several hours arguing his point, even going so far as to ask other men in the bar for their opinions.

The woman listened quietly until the man was finished making his point.

Confident in the strength of his argument, the man awaited her response.
“That doesn’t prove anything,” the woman countered.

“Think about this When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better
your ear or your finger?

If you think life is bad…
How would you like to be an egg?
You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard.
Only 2 minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 11 other guys.
But worst of all…
The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother.
So cheer up…
Your life ain’t that bad!
Pass it around to someone who you feel can use a good lay today!

Randy was in the hospital for a complete check-up.
At 11:00AM, they brought him soup for lunch. He refused it.
At 2:00PM, they again tried to serve him some soup, which he refused.
Again, at 5:00PM and 7:00PM, they tried, and both times Randy turned down the soup, so they gave up.
In preparation for the next day’s test, they entered his room at 3:00AM, 4:30AM, and 6:00AM and gave him an enema each time.
When Randy got home from the hospital after the tests, he told his wife, “Whatever you do, if you go to that hospital and they try to serve you soup, take it!
If you refuse it, they sneak in while you’re asleep and shove it up your ass!

A young pastor was sitting in a restaurant eating lunch.
He opened a letter he’d just received that morning from his Mom.
As he opened it a twenty-dollar bill fell out.
He thought to himself, Thanks, Mom, I sure needed that right now.
As he finished his meal, he noticed a beggar outside on the sidewalk leaning against the light post.
Thinking that the poor man could probably use the twenty dollars more than he, he crossed out the names on the envelope and wrote across the top in large letters, PERSEVERE!
So as not to make a scene, he put the envelope under his arm and dropped it as he walked past the man.
The man picked it up and read the message and smiled.
The next day, as the pastor enjoyed his meal, the same man tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a big wad of bills.
Surprised, the young pastor asked him what that was for.
The man replied, “This is your half of the winnings. Persevere came in first in the fourth race at the track yesterday and paid thirty to one.”

Two blonde girls walk into a department store.
They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it,
“That’s quite nice, don’t you think, Tracy”
“Yeah. What’s it called Sharon?”
“Viens a moi.”
“Viens a moi? What the does that mean?”
At this stage the store clerk offers some help.
“Viens a moi, ladies, is French for ‘come to me.'”
Sharon takes anther sniff and offers her arm to Tracy again saying, “That doesn’t smell like come to me.
Does that smell like come to you?”