10/04/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16476
An Irishman is in the bar, drinking a pint of Guinness
A lady next To him says,
“What a coincidence, I am having Guinness too.”
Irish man – “I’m celebrating.”
Lady – “Me too.”
Irish man – “What a coincidence! Why are you celebrating?”
Lady – “My husband & I have tried for 4 years for a baby. Today I’m pregnant!”
Irishman – “What a coincidence! I am a farmer. For 4 years my hens couldn’t lay any eggs. Today all are laying eggs!”
Lady – “Wow! How did that happen?”
Irishman – “I used a different cock.”
Lady smiled and said,
“WHAT A COINCIDENCE !!!”
10/03/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16470
A middle-aged man was tired of his job in the city and wanted a place where he could relax.
So he decided to go to the seaside and buy a house.
He found the perfect house and was about to buy it when his next-door neighbor to show up: a very fit, athletic 85-year-old man, with a full head of beautiful silver hair!
“Hey old-timer, it seems this place has done you good! You look very fit and in shape.” Says the man
“You wouldn’t believe the wonders of this place when I first set foot here I couldn’t even walk, and I was bald! Now, look at me!” He exclaims.
The man, who had been fearing of growing old, bald and weak, is very excited at this news, and immediately buys the house next door.
However, a month passes by, and, shockingly, the man starts balding and feels no different physically.
So he decides to speak with the old-timer.
“Hey old-timer, you said you grew hair and started walking after you moved here, but I’m balding, what gives? How long have you been here for these effects to show?” says the man
The old-timer simply responds:
“Well, sonny, I was born an raised here, so it might take a while!”
10/02/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16464
Paddy was walking through a town one day when he passes a shop with a notice in the window.
The notice said.
“We sell everything”. Paddy could not believe this so he went inside.
He walked to the counter and asked the salesperson.
“Do you really sell everything?”
The salesperson said. “Yes, everything.”
Thinking this was too good to be true Paddy said.
“OK then could I have a jumper for a chicken?.”
The salesperson said.
“A jumper for a chicken? Hold on I will have to check the stock out the back.”
Five minutes later, the salesperson returned with a brown paper bag.
“Here you go, one jumper for a chicken.”
“How much?” Asked Paddy.
“Three quid.” Replied the salesperson.
“Three quid for a jumper for a chicken? Excellent.” Said Paddy.
So away he went. When he got outside he thought to himself that maybe he was done, so he looked inside the bag.
At the bottom of the bag was a condom.
He was mad and stormed back into the shop. He screamed at the salesperson.
“Hey, I asked you for a jumper for a chicken and you have given me a condom what’s going on?”
The salesperson replied.
“Sorry mate, I checked in the back and we seem to be all out of jumpers for chickens, all we had was a pullover for a cock.”
10/01/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16461
As a woman passes her daughter’s closed bedroom door she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from inside.
Opening the door, she saw her daughter with a vibrator.
Shocked, she asked: ‘what in the world are you doing?’
The daughter replied:
‘ Mum, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.’
The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door.
Upon entering the room, he saw his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.
He asked her what she was doing,
The daughter said:
‘ Dad I’m thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.’
A couple of days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room.
When she went in she saw her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.
The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.
The wife asked:
‘What the heck are you doing?’
To which the husband replied: ‘I’m watching football with my son-in-law.’
09/30/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16458
There was once a bull; his name was Billy big balls.
Anyway, Billy lived on a farm all by himself and was really lonely until one day a man was walking by the farm and out of excitement Billy ran jumped over the fence and said hello
I’m Billy big balls.
The man took no notice of him and kept walking.
The next day the man walked past the farm again and of course, Billy big balls ran jumped over the fence and said hello I’m Billy big balls.
With these incidents happening, the farmer was starting to get pretty upset so he built a fence 4ft higher.
Next day the same thing again, the farmer was amazed and built the fence 6ft higher.
Next day Billy big balls jumped over the fence again and said hello I’m Billy big balls to the man passing by.
By now the farmer was completely pissed and made the fence 10ft higher and out of barbwire.
The next day the man came down walking past the farm and Billy’s big balls came running and jumped over the fence and said hello
“I’M BILLY”