10/19/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16529
A boss says to his secretary
“we are travelling abroad for the week so make arrangements” .
The secretary makes call to her husband
“my boss and i will be travelling abroad for some reasons”.
The secretary husband makes call to her secret lover
“my wife is travelling for the weekend so come to my house so that we can be together”.
The secret lover makes call to the child she’s teaching lesson
“i will not be at home this week so don’t come for lesson” .
The child makes call to his grandpa
“grandpa, my lesson teacher is not arround so i’ll use the weekend with you”
Then grandpa makes call to his secretary
“my grandson is coming to use his weekend with me so we are not travelling again” .
The secretary makes call to her husband
” my boss said his grandson is coming to use weekend with him, so our trip is cancelled.”
The husband makes a call to secret lover,
“We cannot spend the week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.”
The secret lover makes a call to little boy,
“We will still have classes as usual this week.”
The little boy makes a call to his grandfather,
“Grandpa! I’m sorry we won’t be able to spend the week together. My teacher called and said that I have to attend classes.”
The grandpa makes a call to his secretary,
“Change of plans! My grandson is no more coming. So we are still travelling this week. Make arrangements.”
10/18/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16526
A woman went to a lawyer to discuss divorcing her husband.
“Don’t you love him anymore,” asked the lawyer?
“Oh, I still love him,” the woman replied.
“But, all he ever wants is s**, I can’t take it.”
“Instead of divorcing him why don’t you try charging him every time he wants to make love?” the lawyer suggested.
The exhausted wife decided to give the plan a try.
As soon as she walked into the house that night her husband started in on her.
“Not so fast,” she replied.
“From now on it’ll be $10 in the kitchen, $20 in the living room and $50 in the bedroom.”
“Well, then,” he said.
“Here’s $50.”
The wife began walking to the bedroom.
“Hold on,” he said, grabbing her hand.
“That’ll be five times in the kitchen!”
10/17/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16523
An old man turned 115 and was being interviewed by a reporter for the local paper.
During the interview, the reporter noticed that the yard was full of children of all ages playing together.
A very pretty girl of about 19 served the old man and the reporter, keeping them in fresh tea and running errands for them.
“Are these your grandkids?” the reporter asked.
“Naw, sir, they all be my younguns,” the old man replied with a sly grin.
“Your kids?” said the reporter.
“What about this beautiful young lady who keeps bringing us tea? Is she one of your children too?”
“Naw, sir,” said the old man. “She be my wife.”
“Your wife?” said the surprised reporter. “But she can’t be more than 19 years old.”
“Thass right,” said the old man with pride.
“Well, surely you can’t have a s*x life with you being 115 and she being only 19,” the reporter remarked.
“Naw, sir, ” said the old man. “We have s*x every night. Every night two of my boys helps me on it, and every morning six of my boys helps me off.”
“Wait just one minute,” said the newspaperman. “Why does it only take two of your boys to put you on, but it takes six of them to take you off?”
“Cause,” the spry old man said with a balled fist, “I fights ’em.”
10/16/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16520
A woman walked into the kitchen and found her husband walking around with a fly swatter.
“What are you doing?” the woman asked.
“Hunting mosquitoes” He responded.
“Oh, catching any?” She asked.
“Yep, two males, two females” said the husband.
Intrigued with this information the woman asked:
“How can you tell?”
Her husband quickly responded:
“Two were on a beer can, two were on the phone.”
10/15/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16518
The butcher asks, “What do you want?”
The dog points to steak in a glass case.
“How many pounds?” The dog barks twice.
“Anything else?” The dog points to some pork chops and barks four times.
So the butcher wraps up a two-pound steak and four pork chops, and places the bag in the dog’s mouth.
He then takes money from a purse tied around the dog’s neck, and sees him out.
A customer, who has been watching in amazement, follows the dog to a house several blocks away, where it rings the doorbell to be let in.
As the owner appears at the door, the customer says, “What a remarkable dog!”
“Remarkable?” snorts the owner.
“This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys.”