11/13/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16606
An elderly woman wants half a head of lettuce at a grocery store, so she tells the young man at the checkout,
“I would like to buy half a head of lettuce.”
The young man says, “I’m sorry we only sell whole heads of lettuce.”
The old woman says, “Well you see I’m old, and I don’t eat very much, and so when I buy a whole head of lettuce, the other half usually goes to waste. Would you ask your supervisor
if there is something he could do?”
The young man, rolls his eyes, lets out a sigh, and walks into his supervisors office.
“Hey, some dumb old hag wants to buy half a head of lettuce…”
His supervisor looks up from his desk and is shocked to see the elderly woman had followed the young man.
She’s right behind him at the door and heard what he said.
The young man turns around, sees her, realizing his mistake blurts out,
“But this beautiful young lady would like to buy the other half of that head of lettuce, so it works out, right?” Everything is worked out, the elderly woman leaves happily, and the supervisor says,
“That was close. You’re pretty quick on your feet. Where you from?”
The young man says, “Oh, me? I’m from Canada, but I left because it’s just filled with hockey players and prost!tutes.”
The supervisor, crosses his arms and says, “Hey, my wife is from Canada!”
The young man responds, “Oh that’s wonderful… what team does she play for?”
11/12/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16604
Suddenly , the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs.
His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic.
He was holding strange objects in his hands.
He was dragging cables along behind himself.
The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed,
“And what do we have here, a little snake? Come to Uncle Doctor, my snake…”
The man shook his head.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t notice your legs. You’re a dragon, right?” The man shook his head again angrily.
“Sorry… a worm?” The visitor spitted out the plastic pieces.
“Go to hell, you idiot! I’m the system administrator and I came to change your LAN cable!”
11/11/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16601
A hitchhiker is taken by an elderly couple in an RV.
During the trip, the husband, driving the vehicle, says “152”, and the couple laughs.
Then the wife says “365” and they also laugh.
The hitchhiker then asks “What’s the deal with these numbers?”
The old man replies:
“We’ve been telling each other jokes for such a long time that we memorized and numbered them all, and now only refer to them by numbers.”
A few minutes after hearing that, the hitchhiker says “984”, and the couple heartily laughs for quite some time.
The hitchhiker asks “Is it that funny?”
The old man replies
“No, but it’s the first time we’ve heard this one!”
11/10/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16598
Dracula wanted to know which of his bats was the best.
So, he organised a competition, simply the bat that would drink more blood in less time than others would be the winner.
The first bat went and came back after 10 minutes.
Its mouth was full of blood. Dracula was impressed.
He asked, “Nice, how did you do it?”
The bat said,
“Do you see that tower? Behind it, there is a house. I went inside and drank the blood of all the family.”
Dracula said, “Very good”.
The second bat went and came back after 5 minutes.
He too had blood on his face. Dracula was shocked,
“How did you do that?”
The bat said, “Do you see that tower? Behind it, there is a hotel. I went inside and drank the blood of all the guests.”
Dracula said, “Fantastic”.
Now the third bat went and came back just after 1 minute.
There was blood on all his body. Dracula couldn’t believe his eyes,
“How did you do that?”
The bat said, “Do you see that tower?”
Dracula said, “Yes”. The bat said “I didn’t”
11/09/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16594
A lady went to a doctor’s office, and was being examined by a doctor.
A few minutes into the examination, screeching could be heard from the room, and then the lady burst out of the room as if running for her life.
After much effort a nurse finally managed to calm her down enough to tell her story.
The nurse barged into the office of the Doctor and screamed:
“Shame on you, Mrs. Smith is 82 years old, and you told her she’s pregnant.”
The Doctor continued writing calmly and barely looking up said:
“Does she still have the hiccups?”