Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A little three-year-old boy was sitting on the toilet.

His mother thought he had been in there too long,

so she went in to see what was up.

She found him sitting on the toilet reading a book,

so she stood at the door quietly and watched.

Every ten seconds or so, he put the book down, gripped the toilet seat with his left hand, and hit himself on top of the head with his right hand.

His mother finally broke the silence,

“Johnny, are you all right? You’ve been in here for a while…”

“I’m fine, Mommy…I just haven’t gone ‘doody’ yet.”

“Okay, you can stay here a few more minutes to finish, but, Johnny, why are you hitting yourself on the head?”

Johnny gave her a hopeful smile,

“Works for ketchup.”

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears,

“You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?” he concluded.

“What, dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

“I think you’re bad luck.”

The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought.

“How could you do this!” he exclaimed.

“I don’t know,” she wailed.

“I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, ‘Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.’ “

“Well,” the pastor persisted,

“You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, ‘Get behind me, Satan!’ “

“I did,” replied his wife,

“but then he said ‘It looks great from back here, too!’

An old man wrote a will to his two lazy sons:

After my death demolishes this house, you will find a metal case down the foundation where you will find my saving to support the rest of your life.

They started praying to God! Oh Lord Father our Dad is too old, please take him to your kingdom.

Two years later he died and buried him immediately.

The following day the house was demolished, and they found a case with a piece of paper written:

If you are real men construct your own houses and stop your stupidity….

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant.

They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.

The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away,

Suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair and under the table but the man stared straight ahead.

The waitress watched as the woman slid all the way down her chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the man stared straight ahead.

The waitress, thinking this behaviour a bit risque and worried that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the man:

“Pardon me, sir, but I think your wife just slid under the table.”

The man replied:

“Naah, She just arrived at the restaurant..!”