10/03/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17589
This is something that happened in an old peoples home.
The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central dining room.
One morning one of the residents didn’t show up for breakfast so another guy’s wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK.
She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining area.
An hour later he still hadn’t arrived so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs.
He was coming down the stairs but was having a hard time.
He had a death grip on the handrail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right.
She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn’t in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast.
So, she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.
When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him.
A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing.
The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.
10/02/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17586
One day at court, the prosecutor called the first witness to the stand, and in came a gossipy old woman.
The prosecutor started by asking her,
“Do you know who I am?”
The old woman replied.
“Yes, you’re John Kim, and I must say I’m very disappointed in you. You’re greedy, you treat others like dirt, and you’ve been keeping a mistress for years! Of course I know who you are.”
The prosecutor was stunned, but tried to carry on with the proceedings.
He pointed at the defense lawyer and said,
“Do you know who he is?”
“Yes, he is Kenneth Skye. And I must say is that I’m very disappointed in him too. He is constantly drunk, gambles all the time, and is one of the worst lawyers around! Of course I know who he is.”
The Judge immediately called the prosecution and defense to approach the bench.
Once they were close enough, the Judge scowled at the pair and said.
“Don’t you *dare* ask her if she knows me.”
10/01/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17583
One day farmer joe was watering his farm a chicken came along and said
“How are you farmer joe”
The farmer said “im very good, do you want to help me water my farm”
A cow came along and said “how are you farmer joe” farmer joe said “im good, can you help me water my farm”
The cow agreed and helped farmer joe and the chicken.
On the third day farmer joe, the chicken and the cow were watering the farm.
A pig came along and said “how are you farmer joe” farmer joe said “im very happy, will you help me water my farm?”
The pig said “sure” and help farmer joe and the chicken and the cow to water the farm on the fourth day farmer joe, the chicken, the cow and the pig were watering the farm.
A horse came along and said “how are you farmer joe” farmer joe said “im great , but can you help me water my farm”
The horse agreed and helped them all water their farm on the fifth day farmer joe, the chicken, the cow the pig, and the horse were watering the farm.
A dog came along and said “how are you farmer joe” farmer joe said “im great , but can you help me water my farm”
The dog agreed and helped them all water their farm
On the sixth day the chicken, the cow, the pig the horse and the dog were watering their farm.
“Oh no” said joe i have run out of water.
“We must go to the store” said the chicken, the cow, the pig the horse and the dog.
They were walking to the store and stopped at the road to look left right then left again but the chicken didnt look; he just crossed.
“why did the chicken cross the road?!” farmer joe exclaimed.
“to get to the other side” replied the chicken.
09/30/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17580
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, “It’s essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
He addressed the man, “Can you describe your wife’s favorite flower?”
Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered,
“You bake with Home pride, don’t you?”
The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I’ll stop right here.
09/29/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17578
An old man bought a well from a smart aleck.
The next day while on his way to the market he met the smart aleck who told him,
“I have sold the well to you but not the water. If you use the water you will have to pay for it.”
The old man stared at him for a moment.
Then he replied, “I was in fact planning to come to your place and ask you to empty the water. If you don’t, you will have to pay the rent for storing it in my well.”
Sometimes, being too smart doesn’t pay!