10/13/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17619
Two police officers saw an old woman staggering out a local bar,
stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home.
They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman.
As they drove through the streets they kept asking the old woman where she lived,
all the old lady would say as she stroked the officers arm is, “You’re Passionate.”
They drove awhile longer and asked again, but again the same response as she stroked his arm, “You’re Passionate.”
The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman,
“Look we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven’t told us where you live!”
She replied, “I keep trying to tell you, you’re passin it!”
10/12/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17617
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
“Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!”
The husband said,
“Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?”
“Doesn’t matter,” she said.
“Just get out.”
10/11/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17615
A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher.
She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
“David, what noise does a cow make?”
“It goes moo, Miss.”
“That’s right. Alice, what noise does a cat make?”
“It goes meow, Miss.”
“Very good. Steven, what sound does a lamb make?”
“It goes baaa, Miss”
“Correct. Johnny, what sound does a mouse make?”
“Errr… it goes… click!”
10/10/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17613
Little Johnny’s teacher was giving a lesson in developing logical thinking.
“This is the scene”, said the teacher.
“A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows he can’t swim, and runs down to the bank.
Why do you think she ran to the bank?
Little Johnny raised his hand and asked,
“To draw out all his savings”?
10/09/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17609
The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously, they were thinking,
‘ That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.’
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.
The old man said they were just fine – they were used to sharing everything.
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite.
She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said
‘No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.’
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked
‘What is it you are waiting for?’
She answered……’THE TEETH