Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what’s worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why.

The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations.

The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up late.

He will tell Johnny a lie so big that he will never tell another one. Ever.

The next day, Johnny shows up two hours late.

Johnny says,
“I was two hours early today so I had time to fish in the pond on my way to school. I caught a 17-pound trout and had to take it home. If I hadn’t cleaned it and frozen it, my mom would’ve been angry. That’s why I’m so late”.

The teacher promptly takes him to the principal’s office and explains the story to the principal.

The principal tells Johnny about his own trip to school that day.
He says,
“I was walking to school through the park on the trail today when I heard something behind me. I turned around and was shocked to see a giant grizzly bear behind me. He was 24 feet tall and had 6-inch fangs. He was going to eat me, Johnny! Just then a little dog ran out from the bushes, jumped up, and attacked the bear. The little dog killed the bear and then ate the whole bear right there in front of me. What do you think of that, Johnny?”

Johnny replies,
“Oh yeah, that’s my dog Sparky. That’s his third bear this week.”

As a group of frogs was traveling through the woods, two of them fell into a deep pit.

When the other frogs crowded around the pit and saw how deep it was, they told the two frogs that there was no hope left for them.

However, the two frogs decided to ignore what the others were saying and they proceeded to try and jump out of the pit.

Despite their efforts, the group of frogs at the top of the pit were still saying that they should just give up.

That they would never make it out.

Eventually, one of the frogs took heed to what the others were saying and he gave up, falling down to his death.

The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out.

When he got out, the other frogs said,

“Did you not hear us?”

The frog explained to them that he was deaf.

He thought they were encouraging him the entire time.

Moral of the story:
People’s words can have a big effect on others’ lives. Think about what you say before it comes out of your mouth.

There was a group of elderly women gathered at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.

The old women were asked,

‘How many of you love your husbands?’

All the old women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, ‘When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?’

Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn’t remember.

The women were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective husband: I love you, sweetheart.

Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.

Here are some of the replies:
1. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?
2. What now? Did you crash the car again?
3. I don’t understand what you mean?
4. What did you do now? I won’t forgive you this time!!!
5. ????
6. Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
7. Am I dreaming? ???????
8. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today…!!!
9. I asked you not to drink anymore.!
Last one is ultimate
10. Who is this?

Husband to Wife:

Tomorrow is your birthday. What gift would you like ?

Wife: A giraffe !

Husband: Darling, please be reasonable. Where do I get a giraffe from? Ask for something that is possible.

Wife: Ok, then give up drinking. That you can do and I’ll accept it as a good gift.

So next day……

He Brings The Giraffe for her.

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.

Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said,

“Johnny, what is the matter?”

Little Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”