11/26/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17783
The woodland animals decide to open a public restroom.
They all participate as best they can to build it, and Owl, the mayor of the woods gives it to the public.
The next day as Owl is taking a stroll, he notices that one of the windows is smashed.
He calls an urgent meeting where all the animals gather together.
I am sorry for this bothersome affair – the Owl says – but I’m afraid the public restroom’s window has been smashed by an unknown individual! Anyone, who’s responsible for or witnessed this act, please step forward.
Amid silence, the Rabbit stands up and apologises.
Well, it just happened to be, that Bear was in the stall next to me, and he ran out of toilet paper.
So instead he grabbed me, wiped his bottom with my fur and threw me out the window.
Because Bear wasn’t in the meeting, and he was the biggest baddest animal around, no one bothered to scold him, and the mayor just asked Rabbit to be more careful next time.
Immediately some volunteers stepped forward to fix the window, and by afternoon it was good as new.
On the second day, the mayor goes for his daily stroll and sees the window smashed again.
He calls another meeting and asks the culprit to step forward.
The Otter stood up.
Well, it just happened to be, that Bear was in the stall next to me, he ran out of toilet paper, wiped his bum with my fur and threw me out the window.
The window was fixed again, and that was the end of it.
On the third day, the mayor sees that the window is not smashed this time, instead, a whole section of the wall fell down.
He calls the meeting, asks if anyone knows about anything.
The Hedgehog stood up.
Well, it just happened to be, that Bear was in the stall next to me…
11/25/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17779
A few days before their 10th anniversary, the wife said
“I’ve put up with you for 10 years.”
“When I look out the window on our anniversary morning, I expect to see something that will do zero to 200 in under 5 seconds sitting in the driveway”.
That morning, she awoke, looked out the window and there in the driveway, wearing a bright red bow, was a brand new scale!
11/24/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17776
A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form.
The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease.
When they came to the question,
“Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?”
There was a long pause.
Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said,
“Put down yes!”
11/23/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17772
A bat teaches his three children how to suck blood…
After teaching them, he orders them away to test their abilities
The first of the children return, filled with blood on his mouth, and says
“Dad, do you see that cow?”
“Yes, I do son”
“So, I sucked it’s blood”, the first one replies
The second one comes later, with even more blood on his face, and says
“Dad, do you see that horse?”, he asks
“Yes, I do, son”
“So, I sucked its blood”
Finally, the third one returns, with even more blood on his face, and says,
“Dad, do you see that wall?”
“Yes, I do, son”, replies the father
“I didn’t”
11/22/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17769
Dan married one of a pair of identical twins.
Less then a year later he was in court filing for divorce:
“Tell the court why you want a divorce.”
The judge said.
“Well, Your Honor.” Dan started.
“Every once in a while my sister-in-law would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are identical twins, sometimes I’d end up with her by mistake.”
“Surely there must be some difference between the two women.” The judge said.
“Exactly, Your Honor. That’s why I want the divorce.”