Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An elderly man has been struggling with impotence and can’t satisfy his wife. He’s tried everything—pills, oils, supplements—anything he could find. He searched online, consulted countless so-called experts, but nothing helped.

Frustrated, he confides in a close friend. The friend says, “I know a witch doctor who has a remedy. Go see her—she might be able to help.”

The old man visits the witch doctor and explains his situation.

“I have exactly what you need,” she says, handing him a potion. “Drink this. When the moment comes, say ‘one, two, three,’ and your problem will be solved. When you’re finished, your partner must say ‘one, two, three, four,’ and it will all end. You may only use this potion once every full moon.”

Thrilled, the man rushes home.

That night, as things begin to heat up, he turns to his wife and confidently says, “one, two, three.” Instantly, he’s as firm as he was at eighteen. He turns toward her, ready to go.

His wife stares at him in amazement and says, “Wow, that looks impressive—but why did you say ‘one, two, three’?”

An elderly couple had been married for decades—and hated every minute of it. Their shouting matches were so loud the whole street knew when they were fighting. During one

particularly nasty argument, the old man would often snarl,

“I’ll dig my way out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life!”

One night, he suddenly passed away and was buried. His wife celebrated the occasion by heading straight to the local bar, partying like there was no tomorrow.

To her horror, the very next day the old man did exactly what he’d promised—he clawed his way out of the grave and came home. Before long, they were right back to screaming at

each other.

A few years later, the man died again. Once more, the widow went out celebrating. Curious neighbors asked if she was worried he’d return to haunt her this time.

“Oh no,” she said with a grin. “I made sure he was buried upside down.”

While strolling past his church one afternoon, the minister overheard a prayer so unexpected it nearly loosened his clerical collar.

Nearby, his five-year-old son and a group of friends had discovered a dead robin. Convinced it deserved a proper send-off, they found a small box, lined it with cotton, dug a neat little grave, and prepared for a solemn burial.

The minister’s son was appointed to deliver the prayer. Standing tall and speaking with impressive seriousness, he recited what he believed was his father’s familiar blessing:

“Glory be to the Father, and to the Son… and into the hole he goes.”

While working for an organisation that delivered lunches to elderly people, I often took my four-year-old daughter along on my afternoon rounds.

She was endlessly fascinated by the tools of old age—canes, walkers, wheelchairs, and anything else that looked mysterious or important. Every stop came with

questions, observations, and very serious nods of approval.

One afternoon, I noticed she had gone unusually quiet. I found her standing perfectly still, staring at a set of dentures soaking in a glass by the sink. I braced myself for a

long interrogation about teeth, age, and why anyone would take their smile off at night.

Instead, she leaned in closer, lowered her voice like she was sharing a secret, and whispered,

“The tooth fairy is never going to believe this.”

Deep in the backwoods of Tennessee, a hillbilly’s wife went into labour late one night. With no electricity for miles, the doctor was called out and handed the nervous father a lantern.

“Hold this up high,” the doctor said, “so I can see what I’m doing.”

Before long, a baby boy was delivered.

“Whoa now,” said the doctor. “Don’t put that lantern down just yet — looks like there’s another one coming.”

Sure enough, minutes later, a baby girl arrived.

“Keep that lantern up!” the doctor barked. “There’s another one!”

Moments later, a third baby was born.

“Don’t you dare lower that light,” the doctor shouted. “I think there’s another one on the way!”

The hillbilly scratched his head, stared at the lantern, and said,

“Doc… you reckon it might be the light that’s attractin’ ’em?”