08/04/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20961
A man is sitting on his front stoop staring morosely at the ground when his neighbour strolls over.
The neighbour tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds.
Finally, the neighbour asks what the problem is.
“Well,” the man says,
“I ran afoul of one of those questions women ask. Now I’m in the doghouse.”
“What kind of question?” the neighbour asks.
“My wife asked me if I would still love her when she was old, fat and ugly.”
“That’s easy,” says the neighbour.
“You just say, ‘Of course, I will’.”
“Yeah,” says the other man, “that’s what I MEANT to say.
But what came OUT was, ‘Of course I do’.”
08/03/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20958
Two Seals boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.
Just before take-off, A Green Beret got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Seals. The Green Beret kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Seal in the window seat said,”I think I’ll get up and get a coke.”
“No problem,” said the Green Beret, “I’ll get it for you.” While he was gone, the Seal picked up the Green Beret’s boot and spit in it.
When the Green Beret returned with the coke, the other Seal said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.”
Again, the Green Beret obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Seal picked up the other boot and spit in it.
The Green Beret returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Houston.
As the plane was landing, the Green Beret slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened.
“How long must this go on?” the Green Beret asked. “This fighting between our groups? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?”
08/02/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20953
John goes to the deli for some soup. After he’s seated and about to eat he calls the waiter over.
When the waiter comes he says, “Taste this soup.”
The waiter says, “Why what’s wrong with the soup?”
John says, “Taste this soup.”
The waiter says, “John, you’ve come in here for thirty years and you always get the soup, you’ve never complained before.”
John says, “Taste this soup.”
The waiter says, “What? What is it? If you don’t want the chicken soup we have other kinds – vegetable, Italian Ministrone?”
John says, “Taste this soup!”
The waiter finally agrees, “Fine John, fine! I’ll taste the soup”.
He leans over the table prepared to taste the soup, he hesitates and says, “Where’s your spoon?”
“Exactly,” says John, “Where’s my bloody spoon?”
08/01/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20950
A 95-year-old man and a 94-year-old woman are in front of the divorce court judge.
The judge asks how long they’ve been married.
The man says, “75 years.”
The judge says, “Just so I understand the facts, you’re 95, she’s 94, you’ve been married for 75 years, and you want a divorce now? At this time of your life?”
The wife pipes up, “We’ve wanted a divorce for decades, but we had to wait for the children to die.”
07/31/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20946
With all the new fertility tech these days, a 65‑year‑old friend of mine just gave birth.
When she got home from the hospital, I went to visit.
“Can I see the baby?” I asked.
“Not yet,” she said. “Let’s have some coffee first.”
Half an hour later, I asked again.
“Not yet,” she said.
A few more minutes passed.
“Okay… can I see the baby NOW?”
“Not yet.”
Finally, I snapped. “WHEN can I see the baby?”
She threw up her hands and yelled:
“WHEN HE CRIES! I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM!”