Daily Joke: Jokes Library

It was a quiet day on the Ark and Noah was getting bored, so he told his wife that he was going to relieve the tedium by going off on a fishing expedition.

“That’s a good idea,” she said. “You could do with a break.”

Noah collected his equipment and set off, but thirty minutes later he was back and still complaining that he was bored.

His wife said: “I didn’t expect you back so soon. If you’re that bored, why did you stop fishing after only half an hour?”

Noah replied: “I only had two worms.”

On a hot summer afternoon a beautiful young woman came across a secluded pool, largely hidden from view by a row of bushes. After checking that nobody was around, she took off all her clothes, but just as she was about to jump in, a man appeared from behind the bushes.

“I’ve been watching you!” he yelled, “This is private farm land, and I’m the owner. Swimming in this pool is strictly prohibited.”

“You could have told me that before I undressed!” she said.

The farmer replied: “Swimming is prohibited; undressing isn’t.”

A farmhand went to church one Sunday, but when he entered he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the farmhand if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.

“Well,” said the farmhand, “I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I’d still feed him.”

So the minister began his sermon. An hour passed, then two hours, then two and a half hours. Finally the preacher finished and asked the farmhand whether he had enjoyed the sermon.

“Well,” said the farmhand, “I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn’t feed him all the hay.”

Three blondes walk into a bar and ask the bartender for three shots of tequila. He looks at them and says “OK” and pours their shots.

They all clink glasses and and yell “51 days!” Then they proceed to slam the shots, looking very self-satisfied.

They look back to the bartender and decide to order another round. This time they pick up the glasses again and, more gleefully yell ” Only 51 days!”

The bartender finally can’t stand wondering what they are talking about and asks them what they mean by Only 51 days.

One of the blondes looks at him and says “Well,” looking very smug. “We “We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It took us Only 51 Days…..and on the box it said 4-7 years”

A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four year old son standing at the fence, soaking in the whole event.

The man thought to himself, “Great. He’s four and I’m gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun – I’ll just let him ask, and I’ll answer.”

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, “Well son, do you have any questions?”

“Just one,” gasped the still wide-eyed lad.

“How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?”