Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?”

“Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”

Fred’s convertible glided to a halt on the edge of a lonely country road.

“I suppose,” said his pretty but reluctant date, “you’re going to pull the old ‘out of gas’ routine.”

“No,” said Fred, “I’m going to pull the ‘here after’ routine.”

“The ‘here after’ routine… what’s that?”, she wanted to know.

“If you’re not here after what I’m here after, you’ll be here after I’m gone.”

A teacher was asking her class: “What is the difference between ‘unlawful’ and ‘illegal’?”
Only one hand shot up. “Ok, answer, Joan,” said the teacher.
“‘unlawful’ is when u do something the law doesn’t allow and ‘illegal’ is a sick eagle.”

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.

To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the M.C. that he desired a question on American History.

The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The M.C. stepped up to the mic.

“Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $64,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?”

Bob nodded with a cocky confidence-the crowd went nuts. He hadn’t missed a question all week.

“Bob, your question on American History is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?”

Bob was now becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn’t believe it, but he was drawing a blank. American History was his easiest subject, but he played it safe.

“I’ll try the easier part first.”

The M.C. nodded approvingly. “Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half.”

The audience silenced with gross anticipation……

“Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen??”