Daily Joke: Jokes Library

From a passenger ship, everyone can see a thin bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands.

“Who is it on that island?” a passenger asks the captain.

“I have no idea….. but every year when we pass, he goes nuts.”

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.

Now after ten years it’s all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.”

The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention so he asked one of his employees, Jenkins, to write him a punch, 20-minute speech. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.

“What’s the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?”, he demanded. “Half the audience walked out before I finished.” Jenkins was baffled. “I wrote you a 20-minute speech,” he replied. “I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for.”

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.

“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, “Wedding cake.”

Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it’s supposed to go.

The first guy says, “Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?” The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes back.

The first guy says, “What’s wrong?”

He says, “One of them is my wife, and the other one is my mistress.”

The first guy says, “That could be a problem. I’ll go over.”

He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too.

The second guy says, “What’s wrong?”

The first guy says, “Small world.”