Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

One nun suggests to the other, “Hey, let’s take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door.”

So they do this, and begin painting their room.

Soon they hear a knock at the door.

They ask, “Who is it?” “Blind man!”

The nuns look at each other and one nun says, “He’s blind, so he can’t see.

What could it hurt?” They let him in.

The blind man walks in and says, “Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?”

One day, there were two boys playing by a stream.

One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it.

The other boy couldn’t figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long.

The other boy went over to the bush and looked.

The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream.

All of a sudden, the second boy took off running.

The first boy couldn’t understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend.

Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away.

The boy said to his friend, “My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran.”

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, “I need a man, I need a man!”

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning.

When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, “Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!”

A boy says to a girl, “So, lets make love at my place?”

“Yeah!”

“Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we’re making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?”

Later on the girl is yelling, “Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!”

The younger brother says, “Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!”

Why did I get divorced?

Well, last week was my birthday.

My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday.

My parents forgot and so did my kids.

I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday.

As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy birthday, boss!”

I felt so special.

She asked me out for lunch.

After lunch, she invited me to her apartment.

We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?”

“Okay,” I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa… naked.