Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”

The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”

Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”

“I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.”

Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”

There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”

After successfully getting their big line items approved in the congressional spending package, two lobbyists were celebrating at a Washington restaurant.

“You know,” mused one, “it’s a crying, shame our grandchildren and great-grandchildren haven’t been born yet so they can see the terrific things the government‘s doing with their money.

One afternoon in the Arctic, a father polar bear and his son
polar bear were sitting in the snow.

The son polar bear turned to his father and asked, “Dad, am I 100% polar bear?”

The father polar bear replied, “Of course, son, you’re 100% polar bear.” “Why do you ask?”

“I’m Freezing!” replied the his son.

A Policeman came to my door yesterday and asked, “Where were you between four and six?”

So I said, “Probably in kindergarten or first grade.”

A man seating on a window seat discovered two engines on fire. He began to holler, two engines on fire! Two engines on fire!

The passengers began to panic. Suddenly the pilot ran from the cockpit with a parachute on his back.

“Don’t worry”! He yelled. I’m going for help!