Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Yesterday at a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little.

“Nervous?” asked the interviewer.

I replied, “No, I always give 110%.”

A U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a row boat rowing towards California. The captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, “Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?”

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and replies, “We are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800s.”

The entire crew of the destroyer doubled-over in laughter. When the captain was finally able to catch his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, “Just the four of you?”

The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, “No, we’re the last four. The rest are already there!”

An older gentleman goes into a bar and hears the other patrons discussing the ups and down of marriage.

“Next week my wife and I will celebrate our fiftieth anniversary,” he tells them.

“That’s great. What’s your secret for a long and happy marriage,” one asks.

“Well, you have to do nice things for your wife.”

“Such as?”

“Well, for our twenty fifth anniversary I took her to Italy.”

“That is nice. What are you going to do for your fiftieth?”

“I’m going back to visit her.”

Little Johnny runs to his dad and says, “Dad, there’s water in the carburetor of the car!”

“How can you be so sure?” the father asks.

“I just know there is,” replies Little Johnny.

“Do you even know what a carburetor is?”

“No,” says Little Johnny.

“OK, where is the car?”

“In the lake.”

Husband comes home drunk and breaks some crockery, vomits, and falls down on the floor. Wife pulls him up and cleans everything. Next day when he gets up, he expects her to be really angry with him. He prays that they would not have a fight. He finds a note near the table:

“Honey… your favorite breakfast is ready on the table. I had to leave early to buy groceries. I’ll come running back to you soon my love. I love you.”

Still surprised, he asks his son, “What happened last night?”

Son replies, “When mom pulled you to bed and tried removing your boots and shirt, you were dead drunk and you said… ‘HEY LADY! LEAVE ME ALONE! I’M MARRIED!’”