Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Some people wake up feeling like a million bucks…

Me?

I wake up feeling more like “Insufficient Funds”.

During training exercises, the Lieutenant was driving down a muddy back road when he encountered another car stuck in the mud, with a red-faced Colonel at the wheel.

“Your jeep stuck, sir?” asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

“Nope,” replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, “Yours is!”

The frugal man walked into the house panting and almost completely exhausted. “What happened, Honey?” asked his wife.

“It’s a great new idea I have,” he gasped. “I ran all the way home behind the bus and saved $1.50 cents.”

“That wasn’t too smart,” replied his wife. “Why didn’t you run behind a taxi and save ten dollars?”

A little boy was doing his geography homework one evening and turned to his father and said, “Dad, where would I find the Andes?

“Don’t ask me,” said the father. “Ask your mother. She puts everything away in this house.”

A teacher said to her student, “Billy, if both of your parents were born in 1967, how old are they now?”

After a few moments, Billy answered, “It depends.”

“It depends on what?” she asked.

“It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother.”