Daily Joke: Jokes Library

John and Tony were in the bar, pondering over Tony’s problems. “Andrea and I want to get married,” said Tony, “but we can’t find anywhere to live.”

“Why don’t you live with Andrea’s parents for a while?” suggested John.

“We can’t do that,” said Tony, “they’re living with their parents for a while too.”

A man was going bald and told his friends he was going to get a rabbit tattooed on his head as it was a lot cheaper than an implant or a toupée.

His friends asked how getting a rabbit tattooed on his head would help?

The man replied, “Well, at least from a distance it will look like hare.”

Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, “So, how’s it going?”

The second one sighed and shook his head, “Not good, I can’t pay my bills, my health isn’t good, my kids don’t respect me, and my wife is leaving me.”

The first replied, “Well, don’t lose any sheep over it.”

The owner of a company tells his employees, “You worked very hard this year, therefore the company’s profits increased dramatically. As a reward, I ‘m giving everyone a check for $5,000!”

Thrilled, the employees gather round and high five one another.

“And if you work with the same zeal next year, I’ll sign those checks!”

A college coach had recruited a top talent, but the player couldn’t pass the school’s entrance exam. Needing the recruit badly, the coach went to the dean and asked if the recruit could take the test orally. The dean agreed, and the following day the recruit and the coach were seated in his office.

“Okay,” the dean said. “What is seven times seven?”

The recruit mulled it over for a moment, then said, “I think it’s 49.”

Suddenly the coach leapt to his feet. “Please, Dean,” he begged, “give him another chance!”